Someplace to Go
by JennieJoy72
Summary: This is my version of what might have happened if Lee had taken Amanda up on her invitation to join her family for Thanksgiving in Season One. I have had to change the rating for chapters I am adding soon.
1. Someplace to Go

I do not own the characters but I sure do like to play with them.

Thank you so much to Lanie Sullivan for your help on this one; I could not have done it without you.

This is my version of what would have happened and how things might have been if Lee had shown up at Amanda's for that first Thanksgiving when they first met.

**Do You Have Somewhere to Go?**

"Do you have someplace to go for Thanksgiving?" That is what she asked me on those steps. She only knew me for what two days? For all she knows I could be working both sides of the Iron Curtain and she invites me to her home, with her family, her friends, who in the hell does that? What was that crack about singles bars? I am Lee Stetson and on a social rooster duty that leaves very little time for singles bars; I rub elbows with the elite of the elite. Then this tiny woman with big soft brown eyes comes into my life, no not my life, my existence for a minute and thinks she can just push in to it. Well, she can't, I am perfectly happy just the way I am.

Lee stepped from the shower and began to get dressed. He went to the dresser to pull out his underwear and socks and the small piece of paper fell from the top. He went to pick up the paper after he had dressed in his favorite jeans and dress shirt then began to leave his room to find his cowboy boots. It took him by surprise as he looked over thg3e small paper, he thought he had left it at the office; it was Amanda King's address and phone number. Sure, they had done a few more assignments in the last month since they met. He smiled at a thought; he wondered what she would do now after all this time if he showed up at her normal family Thanksgiving dinner she invited him to all those weeks ago right after they had met. Only one way to find out he told himself; he grabbed his keys and coat and headed out of the door. Just another way to do some background on her for his file he was working on.

The King household was in full swing when Lee pulled up in front of the house. He almost didn't get out until he saw Amanda walk out the front door, carrying a bag in one hand and a tray in another. He got out and went to help her, "Here let me help. Where are you going?"

"Lee, what are you doing here? My family is inside they might see you?"

Smiling he said, "I thought about that and then I realized that it would be impossible for them not to see me; you did after all invite me today." Continuing to walk with her as she went across the street and watching as she rang the doorbell she said, "You also made it very clear that I was overstepping my bounds and that you wouldn't be here."

Before Lee could say anything or back out of it Amanda went on to say, "I sure am glad you are here though, I was just going to make you a plate and bring it by to you later anyway. Thank you for saving me a trip out."

"You're welcome, Amanda." He said in that tone she knew was his mocking of her and she overlooked it and smiled back at him. "What are we doing here; you live across the street?"

"Mr. Harris's wife is out of town and he is alone and he was supposed to come over but he called to say he wasn't feeling well and so I told him I would just bring him a plate and some dessert over for him if he started to feel better."

The door opened to a man around Lee's age and Lee stood taller at the sight of Amanda's neighbor. "Hello, Amanda, why are you here?" His eyes never left Lee's when he spoke to her.

"Hello, Peter, this is a friend of mine, Lee this is Peter Harris and I told you I would bring you something over in case you started to feel better and it isn't a lot but enough if you…" Amanda noticed the woman walking up behind her neighbor and stopped talking. Lee didn't think anything could ever get her to stop talking until he noticed the woman walking toward them looking completely sexually satisfied and enough light behind her to notice nothing was under the dress shirt she was wearing.

"Hello." Amanda said and Peter said, "Thank you Amanda, it was very nice of you to bring this over. I will return the dishes as soon as I can. It was nice to meet you." Peter said dismissing the two and closing the door. On the way back across the street Lee said, "Sex and scandal in suburbia, Amanda why do you need the Agency for excitement when you have it all the material for a bestselling novel right here in your own backyard?"

Slapping him on the shoulder while he laughed she said, "I know him and I am sure it was perfectly innocent."

"Perfectly innocent is what you are, Amanda, if you think that; she was wearing nothing and I mean nothing but a dress shirt and a smile."

"Oh, I am sure you know all about dress shirts and smiles, Lee Stetson." She said as she and Lee walked into the house.

"I know more than you do I can tell you that." Neither one realized that their voices were beginning to rise as they walked into her house.

"What is that supposed to mean, Stetson?" Amanda asked as the others gathered at the doorway of the den watching Amanda and a man they have never saw before have an argument in the front foyer of the house.

"A-man-da, do you expect me to believe that you know the 'ins and outs' of dress shirts and smiles? You are not the type."

"How do you know what 'type' I am? I could be just as dress shirt and smiley as the next woman. I mean you aren't the friendly and sociable type but here you are in my home on Thanksgiving being just that, Scarecrow."

"Amanda?" Dean asked and interrupted their conversation. Amanda and Lee's heads both turned to notice the five pairs of eyes staring at them.

"What?" Amanda snapped and then closed her eyes and said in her normal voice, "Sorry, yes, Dean what is it?"

"I was just wondering if you were going to introduce your friend or fight all through dinner; the only fighting the boys planned for today was the Lions and Steelers game." He said as he walked toward Amanda placing his arm around her waist pulling her closer to him and farther from Lee. Patting Dean on the chest Amanda said, "Of course I was going to introduce my friend; we just get into some heated debates at times. Dean this is Lee Stetson he works at…" suddenly at a loss, she looked at Lee for help.

"…IFF, a film documentary company in DC." Lee finished for her.

"Lee, this is my boyfriend Dean McGuire, my mother Dotty West, my sons, Phillip and Jamie King, and my Aunt Lillian Majors; everyone this is Lee Stetson."

Lee had just finished shaking Dean's hand which seemed more like a test of strength than a handshake which Lee didn't back down from. Lee was then greeted by Dotty and Lillian; which he gently shook their hands and gave his best Lee Stetson smile, dimples and all. Phillip and Jamie waved a hello and Phillip asked, "Mr. Stetson, do you like football? The Lions and Steelers play first and then the Cowboys and St. Louis."

"I love football. Who are you two cheering for?" He asked the boys.

The room exploded "Steelers and St. Louis" all except Amanda who was walking back and forth from the kitchen to the dining room. When Amanda reemerged Lee asked, "What about you Amanda who do you cheer for?"

Amanda said, "Lee, don't let mother and Aunt Lillian fool you they only cheer for the players with the cutest backsides; I am the outcast, I cheer for the Lions and Cowboys."

"Lions and Cowboys huh; well we agree on one thing." Walking over to her and taking the platter from her he stood inches from her smiling down at her.

"Yeah; what would that be?" She said following him into the dining room.

"Football; you won't be alone today, I have your back today, Partner."

"Why is it that I am only your 'partner' when you delegate it?" Amanda asked.

He just smiled and flashed his smile and she saw what he wanted to say, 'Senior Agent Status' and Amanda responded in kind, "Shut up, Lee Stetson."

"I didn't say a word I believe, is your mind in the gutter again, Mrs. King?" He said causing both to burst out in laughter.

Dotty watched the two interact together and when she heard Lee say he had her daughter's back and calling her a partner she wondered if Amanda remembered she had a boyfriend in the other room. Walking back to the den where everyone but Dotty was Amanda said, "Okay, fells, go and wash your hands and then we can have dinner it is ready."

Amanda walked over to the sink and began washing her own hands and Dotty asked, "What were you two arguing about when you came in?"

"Lee thinks that Mr. Harris is having a thing with some woman while Ellie is out of town."

"Why would he think that? Although, I wouldn't put it past him," Dotty said to her daughter and the other adults as well.

"Mother, Peter wouldn't do that; he just wouldn't. Men like him don't just have casual things such as those."

"Amanda, you can't even say the word affair and you wonder why I think you wouldn't notice one when it was right in front of your face. You cannot be that naïve; you saw her; she was only wearing a dress shirt and a smile." Lee said as if he was proving his point instead of just repeating it.

"I think Mr. Stetson is right Amanda." Dean said. Amanda looked at Dean and said, "You have only known the man for five minutes and you agree with him?"

"Yes, men have the need to set the boundaries and mark their territory. If he and his wife are having problems for whatever reasons then he will go and search out what he is lacking in his life."

"His wife is five ten, blonde, and has a body men drool over and stare at where ever they go; what could he be lacking?" Dotty asked as everyone sat down to eat.

"Mental attraction more than likely," Lillian said, "a beautiful woman can be intelligent but if she is just going by her looks than a man will get bored fast and move on; married or not." Amanda sat and glanced at the man sitting to her left and noticed he was watching her; she just wished she knew what he was thinking.

The boys bounded in the room and sat and went to grab food then stopped as their mother said, "Let's say grace and then we can eat; I know the boys are just starving." Amanda took Lee's hand and felt a calming feeling as he closed his fingers around her own and everyone followed by taking the hand next to them; connecting them all. "Dear Heavenly Father, We ask that on this day that you bless this food, bless the ones around this table, bless the ones fighting and away from their families, and the ones that are lost; may they find where they belong and not be lost any longer." Amanda felt Lee squeeze her hand and she squeezed back, "we ask that you show us our way and guide our choices in your will and love. Amen."

"Amen." Everyone said and opened their eyes and then the conversation moved into other areas than whether Peter was or was not having an affair.

"Mr. Stetson, what do you do and how do you know my mom?" Jamie asked.

"I work for a government film company. We make documentaries; I am a director and producer."

"What is the company called?" Dotty asked.

"IFF; that stands for International Federal Film, my last project was in Alaska about the bear population."

"The bear population?" Lillian asked.

"Yes, the protection of the bears and their cubs that live on federally protected government land. The population shouldn't be decreasing, but it slowly has." Dean jumped in the conversation at that, "I think I have seen that one; it aired over a year ago. That was your most recent documentary?"

Lee looked at Dean and felt the need to punch him but smiled and said, "Yes, that was the last one I worked on from start to finish; but as a producer I have my hands in all sorts of things from finding new ideas, location scouting, pre-production for directors, filming, post production, and previews and premiers. Most of our films take as much time to edit and prepare for release as they do to film what we need."

"How long did it take your bear film to do, Mr. Stetson?" Philip asked.

"From start to finish, about eight months I think."

Dotty looked at Lee and asked, "Mr. Stetson, how did you and Amanda meet?"

Lee looked at Amanda and when she didn't offer an answer, Lee said, "At the train station about a month or so ago; I think she had just dropped someone off there."

"Was that when you took me, Amanda?" Dean asked.

"Yes; it was that morning. Lee was there working and we ran into each other."

"Mr. Stetson," Dotty began again until Lee interrupted, "Mrs. West, please call me Lee. If you continue to call me Mr. Stetson I will start looking for my father to walk in the room."

"Okay then, Lee, I was just going to ask about your family; do they live around in the area."

Lee shifted uncomfortable in his seat and Amanda went to help him out, "Mother, you are not Perry Mason trying to solve the case. You don't have to interrogate Lee."

"I wasn't interrogating, I was just asking."

"Amanda, it is fine. Mrs. West, I have an uncle who raised me after my parents passed away but he is stationed in California with his Air Force unit for the time being. We see each other as much as we can; in our lines of work we do what we can."

"Are you dating anyone at least?" Lillian asked.

"Well, there is this one woman I have been seeing on and off for a short time; but her life is just as complicated as mine is." Lee smiled at Amanda with that sarcastic grin she was coming to know all so well but that didn't stop Dean from asking about Lee's friend. "Lee, so what is she like; this woman you have been seeing."

"She isn't like anyone I have ever met before in my life. I try to explain things to her about my job when she asks and she disregards what I have to say; ignores it in fact. Rambles on about things that make no sense and yet at the same time makes all kinds of sense. She wants to save me from myself, I think."

"That sounds like you, Mom." Phillip said and Amanda choked on her wine. Lee began to pat her on the back and ask if she was okay. "I'm fine, Lee, thank you. Do you think you need saving, Lee?" As Amanda answered him, he continued to rub her back making sure she was in fact okay as she said she was.

Dotty sat back watching the scene unfold in front of her between her daughter and her new friend. The secret smiles they were sharing, the sideways glances, the way he looked when she began to choke and his definite need to say and do things to get under Dean's skin. Dotty noticed that Dean did his best to one-up Lee at every turn of the conversation and if anyone had been keeping score Dean was behind in points. Dotty wondered if Lee Stetson was the latest reason that Amanda wouldn't give Dean an answer to his proposal. Amanda seemed positively glowing while engaged with Lee in conversation, but when she talked to Dean; it was if she was talking to the postman about a package. Yes, Lee Stetson was going to be a raging hurricane for Dean to contend with; Dotty just hoped Dean survived the damage after the storm.

Lee offered Amanda a hand in clearing and cleaning up, "Lee, that is okay, you are a guest, if you want the first game is getting ready to start, why don't you go and watch it with the boys and Dean and cheer our team on until I get in there."

"Amanda, I don't mind helping, I mean you weren't really expecting me so the least I can do is help with the clean-up." Lee said sincerely. He wasn't planning to stay for the games but he didn't want her to know that yet. If he at least helped clean up, then maybe she wouldn't feel bad when he ditched out in a few minutes.

"No, Lee," she said placing her hand on his arm, "my house, my rules; now if you want to stay for dessert then you have to go and watch the game. Besides if we stand here and argue about this we will both miss both games and I really want to watch them."

Shaking his head Lee said, "Okay, you win; but I still can't believe you like football."

"Lee, all cheerleaders like football, well, football players; they have the best moves on and off the field." She said as she walked away leaving him to just watch her without a response in his head. Maybe I will stay.

Amanda and Lee cheered the Lions on and as they stomped the Steelers, Lee grabbed Amanda as she was walking by, hugged her tight and looked her in the eyes and said, "One down and one to go, what is for dessert?" The look in his eyes made Amanda think he wasn't thinking about the pie and cakes in the kitchen.

"Cake and pie are in the kitchen." She said as she extracted herself from his arms and hoping no one noticed how her voice cracked or how weak knee she seemed to be. She went into the kitchen and noticed that Lee followed her, "Can I help with something in here?"

"No, I already told you that you were a guest and hot; I mean not allowed."

Raising his eyebrows he whispered, "I'm hot, huh?"

Rolling her eyes and blowing out an exasperated breath she said, "You think you are so cute."

"I am cute and apparently hot too." He said.

"Oh, shut up, would you like cake or pie?" She asked.

"What kind do you have?"

"I have chocolate pie and chocolate chip cake."

"I. Think. I. Want. Pie." Inching closer to her with every word Amanda was forced to move back until her back was to the counter.

"Why are you here?" She whispered.

"You invited me; do you regret it?"

She found that with Lee so close that she was having a hard time forming a sentence so she opted just to shake her head. They both jumped apart when Lillian came in and asked, "Amanda, did you get your tree yet to decorate this year?"

"I, um, get it closer to Christmas so it stays longer and doesn't start to die before Santa comes."

"You get a real tree every year?" Lee asked.

"Yes, why?" She asked as she cut the pie, placed his piece on his plate and then proceeded to finish cutting the cake as well and placing them on plates.

"It seems like a waste of money to buy a tree every year; why not just get a fake one to really get your money out of it."

"I always had a real tree growing up and so have the boys. What kind of tree did you have growing up?"

"Amanda, I was raised by Mr. Military himself, I just got to pick things out and he bought them; there were never trees of any kind involved."

Lee saw a look of sadness come across her face and before he could say anything Dean came into let them know the next game was coming on and asked Lee if he wanted to change sides or place a wager on the game.

"Dean, you know I feel about gambling." Amanda said.

Lee asked, "Oh yeah how do you feel about it?"

"I don't approve but I think in this case it wouldn't be fair for you to make a fool's bet with Dean."

"Amanda, I thought we were on the same side?"

"Oh, we are. I didn't say your side of the bet was foolish; Cowboys are going to wipe out St. Louis." She said laughing as Dean began to tickle her and pull her next to him. Lee watched the exchange between Amanda and Dean and silently responded in the same manner as the boys. "Gross, Mom."

Lee's thoughts went into overdrive. After that, he never really paid attention to the game except to cheer when he heard Amanda cheer out and the boys groan. What does she see in that guy? I mean sure he is tall, so are a lot of men. He has a stable job with the weather bureau, anyone can be a weatherman; it isn't like they get it right. She seems to look like he makes her happy. She is snuggled close to him and he even fed her some of his cake; making a wedding joke about it at the same time. Wedding; she isn't going to marry this dingus is she? I mean I suppose without any other options, he is okay for her to hang out with but the rest of her life? She has too much spirit for this man; she needs someone that is going to let her be herself and not hold back her natural spirit.

"Did you see that touchdown, Lee?" Amanda asked. "You should have made that bet with Dean; he would have owed you a fortune." Her laugh, not her words brought him back to the conversation. When he looked at her and saw a sparkle in her eyes, he felt something inside him break and he looked away from her and said, "Yeah, it was great." He stood to take his plate back in the kitchen and saw that her mother and aunt had begun a card game at the table.

"What are you two young ladies playing at?"

"Gin Rummy, do you play, Lee?"

"Yeah, but I am more of a poker player. Who is winning?" He asked sitting with them he thought would help keep his thoughts off the cheerleader next to the weather geek.

"I am, Lillian is mad about it; I always win." Dotty said.

Lee thought he heard a double meaning in her statement, "I bet you do, Mrs. West, I just bet you do."

"She only wins because she cheats, Lee, don't let her fool you." Lillian said.

The card and football games came to an end and Amanda was sending the boys up to get ready for bed while both complaining that they didn't understand why they still had to go to bed because they didn't have school the next day. The phone rang and Dotty let know Dean it was for him.

"Fellas, that is not the point; the point is that I told you to go get ready for bed and that is what I need you two to do please."

"Okay, but I still don't know why we have to." Phillip said.

"Go, I will be up and tell you goodnight in a few minutes." Both boys relented their case and as they walked away they turned back around to tell everyone goodnight, "You too, Lee. It was nice having you here today. Happy Thanksgiving everyone." They went upstairs after that, and did what their mother asked of them. Lee stood watching the two boys retreat and was about to say goodbye himself until Dean said, "Amanda, I am sorry. I have to go into work, Nick has strep and will be out for a few days and I have to replace him during that time. So, the next few days we planned on will have to be postponed. I don't know how long he will be out sick."

"I understand just don't bring it into this house; I don't want the boys sick and now that I know that it is going around I can better prepare them not to get it."

Dean said his goodbyes and he knew Lee was around but not seen as he kissed Amanda goodbye at the door and made it a point to hold her closer and kiss her longer than normal to prove to the man Amanda was his. "Wow, what was that for?" Amanda asked.

"Him; he needs to understand that you are taken." Dean said indicating Lee whose attention was now focused on something Lillian was saying.

"Dean, Lee and I are just friends; you don't have to mark your territory like you said men like to do."

"Amanda, I don't trust him."

"Dean, I do and that should be enough for you and anyway you have the weather to go report."

"I love you."

"I love you too. Drive carefully."

Amanda closed the door and shook her head at Dean's crazy thoughts where Lee was concerned. "I will be right back down; I am just going to check on the boys." Amanda said and didn't wait for an answer before climbing the stairs.

Ten minutes later Amanda came back down to find that her mother and aunt had started the dishes with Lee sitting and drinking coffee filling them in on one of his exciting travels.

"England? How long were you there?" Lillian asked.

"It was right after I started with IFF so I want to say I was there about two years or so."

Amanda sat next to him and said, "Is that right? What was that two years like?"

"Amazing; I was working with this fabulous woman; and she knew all the hot spots and had the best Intel of where to go and what to see." Lee looked at Amanda and saw her genuine smile and light in her eyes and he knew she understood his double talk. "Did the boys get in okay?"

"Yeah, they are like all little boys; trying to get away with more than they should. That is why I didn't send in one of them." She indicated her mother and aunt.

"Amanda, they did make a valid point; they do not have school tomorrow, would it have hurt for them to stay up a little later?" Her mother said.

"Mother, boys need structure."

"They also need to have fun, slave driver. I am so glad you aren't my mother." Lee said.

"I wouldn't want to be your mother; she would still have her hands full with you now even at this age." Amanda and Lee both laughed at that and once again, Dotty got that nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach.

The four adults sat talking together for a little while longer and then before either of them knew it Amanda and Lee were alone at the table; talking and laughing and Lee found himself relaxing and enjoying himself more than he thought he would. He came here today to call Amanda out on her invitation and she still ended up making him feel welcomed in her home with her family.

"Why is someone like you with that weatherman?"

Smiling nervously for the first time in hours Amanda said, "I am going to take that as a compliment from you, Scarecrow, but Dean is really a great guy."

"If he is so great then why is it that you refuse to give him an answer to that all- important question women seem to make a huge deal out of?"

Amanda sat staring off past Lee; he knew she wasn't looking at him so he forced her to by placing his fingers under her chin forcing her to look him in the eye, "Amanda, where did you go to?"

"I was thinking on how to answer your question. It seems to me that you are asking all the questions and not answering any yourself."

"Ask away; what do you want to know?"

"How come you aren't married?"

"Well, to be honest she married someone else."

"Sorry, I really wasn't trying to pry." Amanda said avoiding his gaze. "I keep telling myself that I am just not ready; it has only been a year since being divorce. I guess in truth I know why I haven't said yes; Dean is a great guy and will make a terrific husband, just not for me."

Lee sat looking at her and said, "You may very well know about dress shirts and smiles if you are willing to lead a man on in hopes of something more."

"Yeah, something more, everyone deserves something more don't they? I mean, why settle for perfect when you can have something more? Does that make me a bad person because I am willing to spend time with him but not commit forever to him?"

"No; no it doesn't Amanda. I think deep down that is all that anyone does; they spend time with someone for a time in their life until they find that something more that they knew they were waiting for."

The two sat drinking coffee not talking for the longest time. Both thought the silence should have been awkward but it wasn't. It seemed that both knew that the day was over but neither one seemed to want it to end. Amanda stood to refill her cup and automatically grabbed for his as well just as his hand went to pick up the cup and as their hands touched so did their eyes.

Lee stood breaking the contact and said, "Well, thank you for a wonderful time today. I had a lot of fun hanging out with your family today. It wasn't like any Thanksgiving I have ever known. I guess I will see you around the bullpen at the Agency."

"Yeah, I am really glad you came too; I am glad you enjoyed yourself today." She said but avoided his gaze that didn't seem to leave her. She faced out the window by the kitchen and as she looked out she saw his reflection behind her and he walked toward her and placed his hands on her arms and whispered, "Dean was right; he shouldn't trust me." With that, he walked toward the front door. She followed him out, watched him get into his car and stood on the porch until she could no longer see his taillights.


	2. Perfectly Logical Questions

**Perfectly Logical Questions**

Amanda had just finished cleaning the last of the dishes and putting the leftovers in her fridge when Lee's parting words really sunk in. He had placed his hands on her arms and said, 'Dean was right; he shouldn't trust me'. "What reasons would Dean have to not trust Lee and why would Lee agree with Dean?" Amanda asked to what she thought was an empty kitchen; that was until her mother said, "Those are perfectly logical questions, Amanda, and do you have an answer for them?"

Amanda jumped at the sound of her mother's voice and turned to her and said, "If I had the answers, Mother I really don't think I would be asking the questions in the first place." She sat down at the table and placed her head in her hand and her mother sat next to her and placed a caring arm around her shoulder.

"Amanda, are you sure you have no idea why these two men in your life feel this way? I mean you have this wonderful man in your life with a very stable and dependable job that loves you and your children. He wants to spend the rest of his life with you and you can't seem to give him an answer. I understand that your divorce is fresh and new but at the same time you have to think of the future of your children."

"Mother, all I ever do is think of the future of my children; is it wrong that I want to think of my future also after they are grown and gone? I mean what is life with Dean going to be like after the boys are out of the house? Will he want more children; will I? He seems okay with the fact that the boys are almost grown. Things with Joe and myself were not always rough and rocky; we had life and spark in us and I want that again. Joe would surprise me with little gifts just because it was Tuesday; Dean doesn't surprise me with gifts just because. I mean yes he buys me presents like book ends and umbrellas."

"Just because it isn't always flowers and jewelry doesn't mean it didn't come from the heart."

"Mother, with Dean it has never been flowers or jewelry; his gifts are nice but they are not very romantic. Mother, Joe once brought me a rock home. It is the one I use in my bedroom as a paper weight. Now a rock may not be very romantic but it is a piece of rock from our old apartment building that we lived in right before we bought the house. He found out they were tearing it down to repair and fix it and he went and got it for me. That is romantic to me. I don't need more flowers we have plenty in the yard and I have all the jewelry I need; it isn't like I go out on the town a lot."

"Well, what about Lee?" Amanda asked confused a little by the question.

"What about him; is he romantic?" Dotty asked and when Amanda blushed slightly she thought she had her answer until Amanda said, "I am sure he is; why do you need a date for your upcoming winter dance? I'm kidding Mother; from a few things I have seen from him and to hear him talk he is very romantic. He seems to want to treat a woman like they expect. He is a gentleman; he opens doors, he pulls out chairs, and he is a really great dancer." She said kind of half laughing and half remembering the first time she danced with him.

"How much time have you spent with him learning about the romantic habits of Lee Stetson?" Giving Amanda a look she used to give her when she was younger Amanda turned from her, stood and said, "Mother, I really don't know how to answer that one."

"Let me answer it for you then; you two have been seeing a lot of time together since meeting at the train station. I have watched the two of you today and I felt like I was intruding in a private relationship. Do you even realize how many times the two of you would look at the other? Share a private joke or look at one another longer than you might normally?"

Amanda sat and listened to her mother and she honestly had no answer to give her except, "No, I really hadn't. I mean if that is true then it must seem like we ignored everyone and I thought that we stayed well engaged with everyone."

"Now, Sweetheart, don't get me wrong neither one of you ignored anyone by any means at all, but if I may ask what did the two of you mean when he called you his partner and you said you only were when he decided it?"

"I help Lee out from time to time but he really prefers to work alone and his boss kind of makes him work with other people and here lately it seems to be me on some of his assignments."

"What do you know about making documentaries that could benefit Lee?"

"My clerical skills have come in handy and sometimes he is just busy with some other part and I have to talk to some people for him to gather information."

"So you are like an assistant from time to time; is that what I am getting? Then why don't you just see if IFF can get you on payroll all the time. I mean if you are already helping with projects and learning new skills why not get paid for it; even if it is part time. Then you can give up that crazy plant and pet business."

Laughing Amanda said, "You know what, Mother I think I will see if I can get on part time. I know from what I am told that most of their new hires are pretty much on call if they need someone to fill in or whatever so my hours may get a little crazy."

"Crazy but at least a little more stable." Dotty said as she stood to leave the kitchen. "Amanda, are you coming up?"

Amanda sat a minute and then said, "No, Mother, I have to go see Lee."

"Amanda, do you mean right now; this can't wait until morning?"

"No it can't; I think I will just give him a call and see if he is at home first and alone." Amanda picked up the phone and listened to the ringing until the machine picked up and she left a message, "Lee, I was hoping you were home. I need to come by and talk to you. I hope you are there and alone when I get there."

She hung up just as Lee went to grab the phone and answer her to let her know he was home. He had been changing clothes when he heard the phone ring and he was just going to leave it until he heard Amanda's voice. He wondered if he had left something at her place. "Well, if I did I am sure she will bring it when she comes by."

Lee scanned the living room and noticed how unkempt it was. He hadn't had a chance to clean or let anyone else for that matter and he knew if she saw it like this when she got here she would forget why she came and start to clean. Grabbing a trash bag Lee started to gather all the left over take out containers and newspapers and toss them in. After he was done with that, Lee had started gathering clothes that were scattered everywhere and just as he had taken an armful in the bathroom and placed them in the hamper he came back out to gather the rest and heard his doorbell. Dropping the pile from his arms he went and answered the door; knowing it was Amanda he said, "Did I forget something at your house?"

"Yes," came the reply but it wasn't Amanda's voice that said it. Lee opened the door to find Cindi Brighton at his door holding her coat open to reveal she was wearing one of his dress shirts and tie. Lee knew her from IFF and they had briefly been together and he knew how this would look when Amanda got there although he and Amanda were just friends; she wouldn't be surprised to find someone here he thought.

"Cindi, hey, I thought you had that big family thing this weekend in Boston?"

"I did but my flight got delayed and then canceled so I just told my family I would be to visit at Christmas. Can I come in or should I just give you back you shirt and tie and then go home?"

Before Lee had a chance to answer Amanda walked around the corner and didn't say a word and then went to turn away and changed her mind and went back. Ignoring the half-naked woman in front of Lee she simply said, "I think we really need to talk."

His brain and his body were in a battle and he just wondered who would win. On the one hand he had known Amanda was coming by but when sexy rings your door bell first what does a man do? He looked at Cindi who was smiling and twirling her hair giving him the 'I will do anything look' and Lee knew she would; then he looked over at Amanda's beautiful soft brown eyes and it hit him why she was there and he knew he had to handle that first.

"Cindi," Lee started and Cindi squealed and jump in his arms and began to rub up on him. "Stop, Cindi, I need you to go home. I really need to talk to Amanda; I was expecting her not you."

"You mean when you answered the door you thought it was her bringing you something from her house that you left?"

"Yeah, I was at her house today and I thought I might have left something. I was expecting her not you so I need you to please leave."

"Fine, just let me give you your stuff back." Before Lee could stop her she shrugged off her coat and pulled his shirt and necktie off over her head and then put her coat back on and walked away.

Lee picked up his shirt and necktie and then moved out of the way so Amanda could get in. When she did get in she tripped over the clothes Lee and thrown on the floor when he went to get the door thinking it was Amanda.

"Are you okay? I was working on cleaning up when I thought Cindi was you." He said picked up the clothes and went to take them to the bathroom and when he returned Amanda had taken her coat and shoes off and was curled up in the corner of the couch. He was momentarily stopped by the sight of how natural she looked with her feet curled under her and resting her head in her hand. He saw the storm brewing in her eyes and he braced himself and hope to hell he lived through it.

"So, what brings you by this late?"

"You remind me on an hourly basis almost that there is nothing between us. We just occasionally work together; we are not romantically involved in any way."

"Yes, I do say that because we aren't romantically involved." Lee said as he sat down across from her at the other end of the couch.

"Then why shouldn't I trust you when in fact I trust you with my life all the time?"

"Amanda, honestly Dean said he didn't trust me and in truth all I said was he was right HE shouldn't trust me. I want and need you to trust me or you might end up traded to the Russians or dead."

"Why shouldn't he trust you?"

Moving a little closer he said, "I have to put you in compromising positions all the time and I know all too well what that can do to a relationship. You should be allowed to have a normal decent relationship without lies and compromises because of work. Think about it you come home from a day at work with me and we have had to be a married couple that can't keep their hands off each other. Now what happens to his trust in you when he says to you 'why do you smell like Lee's cologne and like you have been having sex all day?'"

"Lee we have never had to pretend to be married in the fact that we had to be all over each other like two teenagers on prom night. We are more like the older couple that still enjoys each other but knows how to tame it down and keep it to the bedroom."

"Amanda, do you really think that a sex life with us would be contained to just the bedroom?"

"If it was us in real life; it would have to be contained to the bedroom."

"Why; are you a little shy about things?"

"No; I have children and as much as I like to believe that they don't know all the things about sex; I don't want to give them any at home demonstrations either. Would you want Phillip or Jamie or Mother to walk in on us having sex? Another thing what is it about women wearing a man's dress shirt to look sexy?" Amanda said as she moved slightly closer to Lee without realizing she was moving from her corner.

"Question one, no I would not want them any of them to walk in on us while we would be having sex, yet at the same time I would not want to be confined to missionary bedroom sex. Secondly, a woman wearing any shirt of a man's is sexy as hell, especially the dress shirt. I thought we already had the discussion today about dress shirts." He moved closer as he tried to make his point.

"In my day this was all a real woman needed to entice her man; nothing more not even words." She said holding up her index finger.

Lee gave her a curious look and finally said, "Just one finger; that is all a real woman needs to entice a man? How do you figure on that one, Mrs. King?"

Amanda moved closer and as she did she took her index finger and slowly said, "There are a number of ways to use this finger to entice a man, Scarecrow. Just watch."

She then stood and showing off her index finger as a magician would his wand she pointed it at him and then with her best bedroom eyes she moved it back and forth to indicate she wanted him to come to her. He stood and walked over to her not realizing she was manipulating him. Taking her finger she placed it under his chin and moved inches from him and took her finger to guide his face closer to hers. Finally she ran her index finger along his jaw and a tender spot on his neck and as she watched his eyes slowly close and him move closer, she then took her finger and placed it on his chest and pushed him away from her.

Back in her normal voice she moved from him sitting back on the couch she said, "See a woman just needs one finger to get what she wants from a man; not dressing in his clothes and with all that Hollywood movie crap; just one finger."

Lee stood with his back to her trying to get his barring's back before looking at her; knowing he had made a fool out of himself a minute before because as usual she was right. He had done everything she had wanted; he fell for it hook, line, and index finger. All he could think about was she was a hell of a lot sexier with her finger than Cindi was in his dress shirt.

"What were you, Amanda King, in your former life, a damn Madame?" He asked as he sat back down next to her on the couch. Blinking rapidly at him and in a jokingly manner and southern drawl she said, "Why whatever do you mean, Mr. Stetson?"

"Okay, okay, I get it you are not some shy little bedroom housewife; do Dean and Joe know about this woman that lives in you?"

"Joe does; he meet her a time or two just not very often."

"Dean doesn't I take it?" He asked resting his arm on the back of the couch behind her. Not answering that question she turned to face him and said, "What is more romantic in your experience, book ends or a rock from a building you lived in that was being torn down?"

"That is easy; the rock. It may just look like a rock to some but you know its history; good and bad memories. You can't have memories with book ends; unless they were hand made by the person that gave them to you." It was at that moment Amanda wanted to kiss him more than she did when she had him inches from her face moments before. 'What would he do if I did?' she thought. Would he take her in his arms and kiss her soft and slow? Maybe it would be feverish and filled with hot passion? Would he take her mouth roughly and mark it for his own; like Dean had tried earlier that evening. Her brain was telling her she would never know unless she tried.

Amanda thought 'one night of bravery and I will know what I need to know'. She moved toward Lee and placed her finger under his chin again for him to face her. At her touch he tensed he didn't know if he could be a gentleman a second time and ignore the feelings rushing through his body from one damn index finger. "Amanda, I know I seem like a guy that has no feelings where women are concerned but I do and I don't know if…" she cut him off by tracing her index finger over his lips and forcing him to look in her eyes and hoping he read the raw need in them. A need she has had and hasn't been able to fill. He saw it briefly before he closed his eyes and surprised her by taking the tip of her finger in his mouth and sucking on it. Amanda didn't realized she had moaned out loud until she felt his lips curve into a smile and he said, "You like that do you?"

"Yes, sir, can I have more?" Her voice heated with desire.

"More you say; you want more? I want more too; what about after wards?" Lee said even as he began to move closer; never letting her finger from the confines of his lips.

"Let's find out." With that being said she moved to sit on his lap and placed her arms around his neck and began to kiss him. He still tasted of coffee and cream as her tongue slide over his and he returned her stoke for stroke. His hands went under her sweater to feel the thin turtleneck underneath and he began to pull that from the tops of her jeans; he wanted to feel her skin. His reward was her grinding against his growing erection as his fingers traced tiny circles on her back.

"Amanda, I think we have too many clothes on for this level of operation; don't you?" Lee asked as one hand undid the clasp of her bra under both turtleneck and sweater.

"I agree at this level we really do need less clothing," running her hand over his erection as she slide off his lap and stood up. Lee stood up and began to take her sweater off her and she backed up from his reach. "Amanda?" He asked with confusion in his eyes.

"Lee, I'm not going anywhere I just want to do this and watch while you undress."

"No," he said moving closer to her. He walked toward her and as she continued to back up she came in contact with the wall next to his fireplace. He closed the distance and said, "Now let me show you what I can do with just my finger."

He placed her arms up over her head and without words told her he wanted them to stay where he put them; she didn't move. He pulled her sweater over her head and threw it on the couch. He worked the turtleneck over her head and let it join the sweater. She moved slightly to get him to touch her skin but he just continued with his objective. He took her button of her jeans and flicked them open with just his forefinger and thumb; causing her breath to momentarily stop as his thumb barely razed her navel.

She already knew she was ready for him; her nipples were tight, her center was warm and wet. Not to mention her skin felt like it was on fire but as she went to touch him he just placed her hands back where he had them. His hands moved from her wrists to her hips as he slides both her jeans and purple silk panties from her. Lee lifted one foot at a time to remove her socks and then stood in front of her with only her unhooked bra still barely covering her. He spread her legs so she would be more open for what he planned on doing next. With her arms still above her head Lee flipped her bra up and began to trace her nipples with his index finger.

Amanda felt like she was burning from the inside out all she wanted now was his hands and mouth and for him to put out the fire. She wanted him to calm her nerves and satisfy her. "Lee, please let me touch you now."

"No; I am not done yet. You showed me some fascinating things that you can do with your finger I just want to see if I am a fast learner."

"Pleeasse," she begged and tried to move although he did let her arms fall so her bra would leave her and he just pinned her back with her arms raised high and his finger trailing her openly exposed skin. Lee felt the goose bumps rise on her skin where his finger traced her body and he softly asked her, "Are you cold?" His smile met his eyes and she thought she would go over the edge just from a look.

"No, actually if your finger continues on the path that it is on you will see I am anything but cold." She tried to close the gap thinking if she could kiss him again then she could get things moving in a direction less tortuous to her system. Just as she got close enough he crouched in front of her again and watched his finger finish its journey down her flat stomach, past her navel, and straight through her dark curls that led to her slick wet center.

"Why Amanda King what do we have here?"

"A condition I think I am going to call…" her words left her as his index finger entered her body and began slowly moving in and out.

"What was that you were saying?" He said as he came face to face with her holding her in place and watching as her features changed according to if he was pushing his finger in her or pulling it out of her.

She was speechless; she honestly had nothing to say because she had lost the ability to form words. Lee realized this and said, "Amanda, as an agent you will need to work through stressful situations from time to time," he stopped his finger just inside her and kissed her neck then he watched as her eyes glazed over and continued, "you can never lose your focus. Besides, I can't really use this," pushing farther inside her, "as a tactic to get you to stop rambling at the office; what do you think?"

Letting her arms fall to rest on his shoulders she bucked her hips forcing his finger to feel her tighten around him as she let herself go over the edge; crying out his name. Lee held her shaking body against his as she tried to recover and then she said uneasily, "No you couldn't, but if you did wouldn't Francine be surprised."

He carried her over to the couch and moving her clothes from it he set her on his lap and held her still trembling body while he continued to kiss her. When she had calmed she looked at him and said, "Is this the time I gather up my clothes and you have me leave?"

Laughing he said, "Not if I can help it. Does anyone know where you are?" Running his hands over her naked body he felt her shiver, "Are you cold?"

"Stop asking me that; no I am not and yes Mother knows I was coming here; I had to give her the number in case something happened with the boys. Is that okay?"

"That's fine." He said planting tiny kisses along her neck and running his hands over her back.

"Lee," his mouth was on hers as soon as his name came out of her lips. He was kissing her and running his fingers through her hair and all of that sedated passion ignited once again in her and she wasn't thinking anymore about his desire fading at that moment, "I need to touch you, Lee."

"I need you to touch me." She got off his lap and not nearly as slowly as he took off her clothes she began to undress him. When she had him fully unclothed she just looked at him and was more impressed than she knew she would be at his body.

"Do I pass inspection?"

Her only answer was to find every scar on his body and trace over them and then to kiss each one. Lee had never had a woman do that before. The ones that knew what he did didn't ask or acknowledge they were there and the ones that didn't just never asked. "Sure go straight for the flaws."

He thought she looked hurt at the statement until she said, "These aren't flaws."

He knew she meant what she was saying and before he could lift her in his arms and carry her to the bedroom she took him in her hands and then followed suit with her mouth. Taking the tip of him in her mouth she slowly took more and more of him until he was fully in her warm and wet mouth. She sucked him slowly building his need and then would slow to a pace that calmed Lee and then would bring him back up again. She did this over and over until he knew he couldn't hang on any longer and as he went to move her out of the way she refused to go and he closed his eyes, cried out her name and emptied himself into her mouth. When he opened his eyes again he had found out that not only had she taken it all she was sitting like a Cheshire cat; grinning from ear to ear.

"Amanda, you never fail to surprise me. I think I need a nap or a sandwich, woman. That was amazing."

"Amazing, huh, from a housewife? Are you sure you aren't just being nice?" She asked as she traced circles on Lee's chest.

"There are two things my dear that I never lie about and one of them is this." He said pulling her close to him. Amanda didn't respond and Lee pulled her face up to meet his and he wasn't sure what he saw but he was hoping it wasn't regret. "Amanda, tell me what is going on in your mind because if you leave it up to me to guess I have some insecurities that will give me all the hopefully wrong answers."

Kissing him she then whispered, "No, no regrets, not with you, not tonight."

Changing their positions on the couch, with her lying over top of him, he noticed how they matched perfectly together. Kissing her again he said, "Is this as far as we go then?"

"I hope not." She took his mouth and began to kiss him. She felt like a junkie getting a fix; she hadn't felt this way in a long time. Lee made her feel like she could be her own person and wouldn't laugh at her if she suggested something.

Lee shifted on the couch to where the tip of him met the center of her and he plunged his tongue in her mouth as he plunged himself deep inside her. The two sensations at the same time were more than Amanda had felt in a long time. Pushing up to completely straddle him and feel all of him in her she began to move back and forth. She was torn between her past and what her body was telling her. While she wanted to be wild and untamed; her past was to let the man set the pace.

Lee saw her internal struggle with something and did the only thing he could. "Amanda, whatever it is you want to do; do it. Trust your instincts; I am up for anything." Pulling her close and kissing her seemed to give her the courage she needed as she began to move at a faster pace. Rocking, moving, and placing Lee's hands where she wanted him to touch her. Lee followed her pace and did her sexual bidding; he knew she needed something and he wanted to give it to her.

He was shocked when she got off him and then leaned over the arm of the couch opening to him and said, "Finish me this way."

Lee entered from behind her and began to move her hips back and forth. With each stroke he felt her move closer and closer to the edge and the closer she got the closer he did. She reached between them and began to play with him sending them both over the edge at the same time. Lee collapsed over her trembling body, still in her, holding on as if he left her he would fall off the Earth.

When all rational thought came back to him moments later he got off her and sat back on the couch watching as she slowly moved to sit as well; her eyes never looked at him. He looked around real fast and found a sheet on the chair and grabbed it and covered them.

"Amanda, come here next to me please." She moved and cuddled in the crook of his arm and he tried to get her to look at him and she wouldn't.

"What did I do wrong? I thought I did everything you wanted?"

"You did and more, Lee. There is nothing wrong." Her voice was barely a whisper but he still heard the passion in it.

"Then why won't you look at me?" He asked.

"I'm afraid of what I will see in them."

"You're afraid of me?"

"No, just what you might think of me. Not many men like women who are aggressive and forward in bed."

Is this woman for real he thought? "Amanda, look at me."

Her eyes met his and he didn't say or do another thing except to stare at her. She saw what he wanted her to see. That he was not disappointed in anyway.

"Lee?" She said as his mouth came over her own hoping to make her feel his satisfaction in their lovemaking.

"Amanda, you have shocked me. You have definitely proved your point that you know about dress shirts and smiles. I will be eating crow long past Christmas. You are open and wild and I feel like if you would have let me fold you like a pretzel it would have been okay."

"Not tonight Sweetheart; I'm kind of tired and I have a long drive home. You can fold me up later." She said smiling and laughing feeling more comfortable.

"Home; you're going home tonight?" He asked.

She snuggled closer knowing that she didn't want to leave any more than it seemed he wanted her to but she had to get home before the boys realized she had even been gone. "I have to go; I have to be there before the boys get up and realize that I ever left in the first place."

Rubbing her arm he said, "I know you have to go back home. You said your mother knew you came but this wasn't why you came here."

"It wasn't why I came but it does answer my question more honestly than you did earlier."

"I never lied earlier; I just omitted this part from the answer."

"Is this the real reason Dean shouldn't have trusted you?"

Lee looked into her eyes and knew he could no longer lie to her or himself, "Yes; I fully believe this was the real reason that Dean shouldn't trust me."

"Fair enough; I guess if we are both honest Dean shouldn't trust me either."

"I think Dean would forgive you over this."

"Would you if the tables were turned?"

"Amanda I can forgive you almost anything; if the tables were turned and you went to Dean over me, to be honest no I wouldn't be able to forgive. I know what people say about me at work; that I am the love them and leave them guy. The truth is deep down I want what everyone wants. A family to come home to and be loved by; but in my line of work I voluntarily choose not to have that life because I will not let the enemy get a hold of someone I love and hurt them to get to me."

Amanda leaned up and kissed him and felt her passion build again and pushed it away and went to stand only he wouldn't. He kissed her harder and pulled her closer and said, "Don't leave yet."

She wanted to tell him she had to and when she looked in his eyes she knew she couldn't; she had her answers and she knew tonight was the only night they would have to explore those answers. She knew that when tomorrow came for both of them that it would be as before and she didn't like it and she hoped like hell it would bother him but she knew that is the way it would be.

"I can stay but just for a little while then I really have to go home." Lee smiled and pulled her onto his lap and held her. They sat holding each other like new lovers do. Smiling at nothing, touching to see a reaction from the other, and kissing; just the mere acts sent both into a world they weren't sure they wanted to come out of but knew they would have to.

Amanda sat on Lee's lap for almost an hour when she heard his clock chiming the late hour. Kissing him one more time she said, "I really have to go now. I would like to say I am sorry about ruining your evening with Cindi but I'm not so I won't."

"I wasn't expecting her; I was expecting you and I am definitely not sorry you came."

Looking at him she saw the double meaning in his eyes and laughed, "What did you do with my bra?"

"It is over with your panties and jeans by the fireplace where we started."

"No we started on the couch with my index finger."

They dressed in silence and when Amanda finished tying her shoes she stood and went to grab her coat and purse she had left on a chair by the door. Passing by Lee he grabbed her and picked her up by her waist and held her to him; burying his face in her neck and holding her there. She placed her arms around his neck and held on tightly; not wanting to leave. "Lee, I have to go now."

He placed her on her feet and let her get coat and purse and walked her to the door. "I guess I will see you tomorrow?" He asked. "No, I don't work again until Monday so if I see you tomorrow it will be somewhere other than the Agency."

Amanda, I have one question about tonight; What about Dean?"

Looking him in the eye she said the only thing she could, "That is a perfectly logical question that once again tonight I have no answer for." He watched her leave out the building and get in her car and like she did earlier with him he watched her drive away.


	3. Aftershock

**Aftershock**

Amanda King drove slowly towards her home in Arlington thinking of the man she just left. The mere thought of Lee Stetson and what he was capable of doing to her mind and her body were beyond anything she had ever fantasied about or experienced with any other man. Lee was attracted to her as much as she was to him; that was obvious. Would he let it go past tonight and the physical? Her only intention going to see him was to talk; only it went much farther than she had meant it to, but she wasn't sorry. What should that tell her she thought to herself and then her thoughts drifted to the difference between the two men on her mind; Dean McGuire and Lee Stetson?

She knew that Dean was stable, predicable, and reliable. If he made a promise he would keep it; if he said he would be someplace at a certain time he was there. Ever since she met Lee she had been on a roller coaster ride of lies, deception, and chaos; not to mention excitement, adventure, and spontaneity.

Dean would be home every night. He would be a great influence on the boys and they really like him. They seemed to enjoy spending time with Lee today as well; talking over sports and cars, even Lee and Jamie talked about chess and played a game. Lee wouldn't be there every night though. He would be in London, Paris, Italy. He would always be in danger as long as he was in this business. He may not come back from an assignment but if she stayed in this business neither could she.

Amanda turned her car around and headed toward Dean's house. She really had to talk to him and get her mind right. She knew she had just cheated on him and that wasn't in her nature. If she was with someone she was with them. Now she felt like she wasn't with anyone. Amanda knocked on his door and Dean opened the door rubbing his eyes and trying to focus. "Amanda, what are you doing here at this hour? Is everything okay?"

"No, we need to talk and it is pretty important and I don't think it can wait." She said standing on his steps waiting to be invited in. He stepped back and allowed her entry and as she walked past him he caught the faint scent of aftershave that wasn't his. He may have been half asleep but he thought he figured out why she was there.

They sat on the couch and Dean waited for her to start. "Dean, I really do care about you I hope you know that but I have done something terrible to you and it isn't fair, you didn't deserve it and you should know why I did it."

"Does this have anything to do with your friend Mr. Stetson?" Dean asked.

"It has everything to do with him, but it also has to do with us. I don't blame Lee for this. I do on the other hand…"

"Are you blaming me for why you smell like him?" He could only imagine what he looked like as she sat and accused him for her affair.

"No, not exactly, I am blaming both of us." She said matter-of-factly. She looked him in the eyes and knew she what she would or at least have should see; his hurt and anger. She braced herself for it. Dean sat and stared at her with the most perplexed look she had ever seen on his face.

"How in the world am I at fault in any way for you and him being together? I am right you have been together haven't you?" Dean accused.

"Yes actually I just left his apartment and yes what you think happened did happen. That is why I am here."

"I am sorry; you have sex with another man and your first thought is to come here? I don't want the details of your sex life with another man. Are you crazy?"

"No, I am just trying to figure out why for months you have been asking me to marry you, but yet you haven't even wanted to be with me since you went to New York; the day I happened to have met Lee." Amanda said heatedly.

"What are you talking about; we have been intimate since then."

"No, Dean we haven't. We tried the night you came home and we were interrupted by the boys. Then we were having dinner here the next night alone and all I heard about was the radar systems that the bureau wanted to put in and a few kisses."

"So what does Mr. Director do for you? Does he pin you up against a wall or just take you on the kitchen table? Is that the kind of sex life you want?"

"No he didn't but he would have if I had asked him! Do you have any idea what it feels like to have a say in the way someone is making love to you; to have a say in where and how they touch you."

Jumping from the couch he yelled, "Are you saying I don't give you a say?"

"That is exactly what I am saying! You never stray from what you know! You are a fantastic lover but there is more than one way to get off." Her voice wasn't as shaky as it was before. She was feeling the confidence she felt with Lee and felt she had the ability to continue with Dean or leave but either way she suddenly felt okay about either outcome.

"I told you I didn't trust him. Being around him for one day and I knew I couldn't trust the man. I knew that when he showed up out of the blue he was going to be trouble. I just thought as much as I don't trust him; I could at least trust you."

"It was not my intention to have sex with him when I went over there tonight."

"Why did you go?" He pleaded.

"Sit down please this is going to take some explaining but I would rather talk to you than shout with you."

Watching as Dean sat back down Amanda took her coat off and sat down across from him. "I don't expect you to understand and I want you to take your time and process what I have to say without judgment but with some hope of understanding at some point. The morning I took you to the train station when you were going to New York is the day that Lee and I met for the very first time. He needed some help and I was there and I helped him out. Ever since then I have helped him whenever I could. In the course of this last month and a half we have become friends; friends Dean please don't look that way. I invited him over for Thanksgiving and at the time I asked him he had said that he couldn't make it. I didn't think another thing about it until he showed up; he even said that since he didn't call and he had originally told me no that he would leave. Lee said he didn't want to intrude; which was crazy because I had asked him and was going to take him a plate anyway. Then when he showed up you changed. I never have seen you act that way around other male friends of mine. Do you think I didn't notice the handshake?"

"What are you talking about?"

"When I introduced you two to one another, the manly stronger handshake contest; the pissing for distance with what he does for a living, and not to mention the kiss goodnight at the door. You did everything but mark a claim ticket on me."

"A lot of good it would have done you went to him any way and still he slept with you."

"Damn it, Dean I was there too! He didn't do it alone and I started it. Me; I was the one. Lee tried to stop me and I pushed the subject; did it ever occur to you that maybe I was the one that wasn't trustworthy. Lee never did one thing today to give you an inclination that he should not be trusted. He is one of the most trustworthy men I know."

"Why did you do it then?" Hurt laced his words and Amanda hurt with him.

"I went over to find out why he agreed with you."

"He what; he agreed with me?" Hurt was replaced with shock.

"Yes, after you left he hung around and talked. When he went to leave he told me that you were right and that you shouldn't trust him. Like I said he is one of the most trustworthy men I know and I wanted to know why I shouldn't. What did you two know that I didn't know? I found out. You didn't trust him because you both knew about the attraction I had and you thought he would try to seduce me, which he didn't try but he didn't stop me."

"Amanda, I need you to leave now I have to think about this; I don't want to lose you but I have to think about everything I have just learned. This might take me a few days."

"Take all the time you want Dean; just let me know when you know." Dean followed her to the door and told her he would call her in a few days.

The water ran over him as he thought about everything she had said to him. He was a great guy, fantastic, yet boring, lover. Is that even possible; to be fantastic and boring at the same time? He liked things in an orderly fashion. Things were either in place or they weren't. Shouldn't he be more surprised and hurt by her actions? Why wasn't he?

He remembered when they first met. He was speaking at his nephew's school on career day and she was working in the office for the PTA. She helped take him to the classroom and she was so happy and cheery that he liked her instantly. They went out a few times and she explained she hadn't really dated a lot since her divorce a few months prior. She had two boys that she loved taking about; they seem to be her whole world and the closer they became he saw that they were. Her mother was fantastic; unlike his mother.

Not a lot of people knew that his family was wealthy. He didn't flaunt it because it wasn't his. He knew that the women who dated him did so because they wanted to. That is why this thing with Amanda is so confusing; she seems to generally enjoy his company and spending time with him. Yes he asked her to marry him but she said it was too soon and he understood that. He respected her and hoping she would come around soon about marriage.

Could he really marry her now; knowing that she had sex with that man? That she had cheated on him. He didn't even know if she was sorry. She said that she hadn't intended to sleep with him, that Lee had tried to stop her, and she came right over to tell him; that must meant she was feeling some kind of guilt and remorse. He didn't want to lose her, but he wasn't sure how he could trust her. Could he go back and trust that she wouldn't again? Was Lee Stetson still going to be a factor in her life?

She was a mother and family oriented. What did he know about family life; his consisted of two dead parents and an Air Force Colonel that to this day could get him to stand at attention as easily over a phone as he could in person. He had three and a half black books of women that he could call on a moments noticed for a night out or anything else for that matter. He had two really serious relationships; one died and another choose someone over him to marry and love for the rest of her life.

What would she want with him after tonight? What did any of them or him for that matter ever want after one night? Would Amanda really want a man like him around her children and mother all the time? Would he want that? What if her ex-husband came back from Africa? What if he wanted her and the kids back? What did he have to offer her over Dean? Smiling as he went to bed he thought 'Well maybe one thing'.

Amanda walked into her house and headed straight to her room and as she changed her clothes to get ready for bed; her thoughts were still on the events of the day and night. She wondered if Dean could forgive her on any kind of level and she really hoped Lee would forgive her as she gave Dean the time he would need to process things. She knew he didn't want her to leave tonight but she wasn't sure he was ready for her to stay either. She had a lot to process; she knew what she wanted in her mind when she had left her house in the first place. She still wanted that but she also promised Dean to let her know if he could forgive her. She didn't want to lose him as a friend but she didn't think he would forgive her.

Dotty walked in and saw Amanda sitting up in bed. "Is everything okay? You were gone for so long." Amanda couldn't hold it in any longer; the tears started to fall and she couldn't stop them.

"Oh, baby, it will be fine." Dotty sat next to her and put her arms tight around her daughter.

"No I don't think it will Mother. I either made the right choice or I just gave in to need and lost not only a wonderful man but also a wonderful man and a great friend."

"Amanda, can I ask what happened when you left here?"

"You can Mother but I think it is real obvious as to what happened. I went to Lee's and we were talking then we weren't talking and then as I was coming home I went to Dean's and told him and asked him to forgive me."

"Forgive you? I can't even believe that you did what you did with someone you hardly know; but after today I gather you know him more than you let on to us. I don't know if Dean is that forgiving especially if Lee is going to continue to be in your life. Is he going to still be in your life Amanda?"

"Mother, yes he is going to be in my life. I don't know if tonight was a one shot thing or if it will be more but Mother you need to know that Lee really is a good guy. He is polite, honest, caring, not to mention I have trusted him with my life almost every day since we met. He just made me so mad with his thinking that I was some closet case housewife that blushes at the mere thought of anything sexual."

"Did you think you had to prove him wrong?" She asked as she continued to hold and rock her daughter.

"I think it is my new mission in life to prove him wrong whenever I can; I just honestly hadn't intended to."

"Amanda, dear, do you know who or what you want from this whole thing?"

"Yes, Mother I know the answer to both of those questions. I have known for a while now." Her tears fell harder and Dotty just continued to hold her daughter long after she had fallen asleep.


	4. Bedside Manner

**Bedside Manner**

The boys woke Amanda up Christmas morning where she had fallen asleep on the couch after leaving Lee at the hospital. She sent the boys to wake her mother while she started to make breakfast and called to check on Lee. As they ate breakfast her mother asked, "Amanda, what happened to you last night? You went to deliver some packages and you aren't heard from again until this morning."

"Well, when I had taken Lee his present at IFF he was getting ready to leave and his boss asked if I would help Lee go and find a director that seemed to have gotten lost in the woods. They had a general location and sense it wasn't going to take long I said I would help. I am sorry I forgot to call before we left."

"To help Lee find a man lost in the woods? Don't they have Rangers for that? Was this just an excuse to spend some time alone with Lee?" Dotty asked in her sly voice. Phillip and Jamie looked at each other and smiled.

"Mother, no, as it turned out he was just bad at directions and got lost; he was raised in the city and had never really done a lot of camping and had gotten himself lost. He really wasn't that far off of his trail, just a little turned around. Although what took so long was when we were getting ready to leave Lee was shot by a hunter and it took us longer to get him out of the woods and to a hospital."

"Shot; oh my, is he going to be okay?" Dotty was full of concern and fear as she heard that Lee had been shot.

"Lee was shot?" Jamie asked looking a little scared as well.

"Yes, but Lee is going to be fine. The shot wasn't that bad but he did lose a lot blood but I was able to help with the bleeding until we got him to the hospital. He resting now and should be released in a few days. I called and checked on him and he says he was feeling fine, really good medicine and not to worry. I was going to go see him tomorrow; it is my day to volunteer over there. "

"Do you think it would be alright if we went today and visited him Mom?" Jamie asked.

"I think that would be fine. Maybe after breakfast or after your presents; I know you didn't get to open any yet."

"Mom, Jamie and I have a present for Lee and we had planned on calling him and asking if he would come over today because we wanted to give it to him." Phillip explained.

Amanda smiled and said, "I think that would be okay; what do you think, Mother?"

"I think that is a wonderful idea. Why don't you fellas go get cleaned up and get your present then we can all go see him and give him some Christmas cheer?" She said as she followed the boys upstairs but not before giving Amanda a wink as she left the kitchen.

Lee sat in his bed flipping through the television channels wishing he had something to do besides being stuck in his bed. He heard the knock on the door and thought his nurse was back with more pain medicine to make him sleep. He didn't want to sleep he wanted to be with Amanda and to give them all their gifts he had gotten them.

His eyes shot up in surprise as Dotty, Phillip, Jamie, and Amanda came in. "Hello, Lee." The boys said together running over to his bed and Dotty came over giving him a gentle hug and then a small kiss on his cheek. Lee returned her gesture with one of his own and asked, "What are you all doing here?"

"Amanda told us this morning that you two went to help a fellow worker and some hunter shot you. How awful that must have been." Dotty said as she set her coat and wrapped gift down.

"I've had worse things happen. So fellas, did Santa come and visit?" Lee turned his attention from Dotty to the boys.

"Yeah, we normally open them on Christmas Eve but since Mom wasn't there Grandma made us wait. Then this morning Mom told us about you getting shot and we wanted to come and make sure you were okay and we all have presents for you; do we Grandma?" Phillip said.

Dotty just nodded and Lee looked from the boys to Dotty then said, "What presents for me?" Lee looked at Amanda and she had the same confused look on her face as he did on his.

"Well, we know that you and mom are only friends but since you have been coming around off and on since Thanksgiving we know that you don't really have a lot of family so we wanted to get you something." Phillip said.

Jamie quickly added, "We put our allowances together to buy it. We really hope you like it. Phillip and I took turns on working on it; really hope we got it just right."

Lee smiled as he opened the package only to find inside an exact replica of his car; a classic silver 1963 Porsche 350 convertible. "Boys, where on earth did you find this? This is fantastic."

"It was the last one in the Hobby Shop. It took us two weeks to put it together…" Phillip began explaining then Jamie jumped in saying, "…and the paint finally dried last night so we could wrap it. Did we get it right?"

Looking the car over Lee could see why they were so fascinated with his car and inspecting it when he came by. They even got the license plate number right. "Boys, I can't find one flaw in this. You guys did a great job. I feel bad because my presents for you are at my apartment. I had planned on bringing them over later, but I will be here for a few days."

"That's okay; we didn't expect anything from you." Jamie said smiling from ear to ear that Lee liked his present.

"Never the less you still have presents at my place. When I get out of here I will bring them over and give them to you?"

Amanda and Dotty sat in silence watching Lee and the boys as they talked about his car and how it almost was ruined because a piece or two didn't fit right and they realized that they had them in the wrong place. "I can't tell you how many times I made that mistake when I was growing up. I have a large civil war display at home and I have gone round and round on some of the smaller pieces."

Dotty walked over and handed Lee her present and smiled as he opened the box and found a pair of football tickets inside "good for any regular season game they told me". Dotty began to get the feeling that Amanda wanted to be with Lee alone and decided she would give that time by taking the boys to get some hot chocolate. Dotty stopped by the nurse's station to let them know that Amanda was still in with Lee. "Thank God it is her and not us." They said and Dotty got the impression then that Lee was not a stellar patient.

The two sat in the room and watched as the other three left and Lee looked at her and said, "You really told them I was shot by a hunter?"

"What was I going to say? I am not lying to them any more than I have to."

"Come sit by me please." He said as he patted the empty space in the bed next to him.

Amanda covered the small distance and Lee pulled her hand into his and brought it to his lips. She pulled her hand back and he knew why, "How is Dean?"

"This has nothing to do with him. Why do you care?"

"I don't I was being polite. Aren't you always telling me I need to be more polite?" He stated dryly.

"Well, you don't have to be sarcastic." She began to wonder how they could go from friendly to friendly fire in a matter of zero point one second.

"I can be any damn thing I want to be. A month ago I had you screaming my name in my apartment only to find out days later you went straight to him and asked for forgiveness; which if I remember correctly would mean you are sorry; only you tell me you aren't."

"Watch it your blood pressure is raising." She said as she pointed to the monitor.

"Of course it is; I am sitting next to the one woman at this time in my life that sends it through the roof one way or the other. She is either pissing me off or turning me on; sometimes at the same time."

"Lee, you really need to calm down or the nurse will come and make me leave; is that what you want?" Amanda asked placing her hand on his chest to calm him down; only it fueled his anger.

"No; I want to know what it is you want Amanda King!" Lee demanded as he pulled her closer with his good arm, wrapping it around her, and kissing her. She didn't resist his kiss; she leaned into it, welcoming him. She wanted him in a way she had never wanted another man; not even her ex-husband. She wanted to pull away but only for air and to make sure she wasn't hurting his shoulder only he didn't allow it.

"Lee," she mumbled.

"No, every damn time I stop kissing you, you change your mind."

Pushing away from him slightly she said, "Lee, I haven't changed my mind any more than you have changed you lifestyle. If I seem to recall, that was Cindi leaving your apartment the other morning when you asked me to pick you up so you could use the station wagon for surveillance, was it not?"

"It wasn't what you think." He said looking straight into her eyes.

"Really enlighten me then on what it really was." Glaring back at him and he knew she was genuinely upset that Cindi had been there.

"It was Cindi leaving because she had too much to drink at the embassy party the night before and she slept on the couch."

"Right, on the couch; if I recall that is where you do some of your best work."

"When it is the only points of reference do not judge my performance; provided I had actually gotten you in the bedroom, you would have not left because you would not have been able to drive."

Kissing him again she said, "What makes you think it was so easy to drive home in the first place?"

"I don't think it was; because you didn't go home you went to Dean." He said in between kissing her and she heard what she thought was hurt in his voice.

"I am not sorry or regret what happened between us; I never will. Look at where I am." Amanda said trying to make her point by making him look her in the eyes.

"You told me that night in your kitchen that you didn't love him like that; that you thought he would make a great husband just not for you. You wanted something more."

"Are you applying for the position, Scarecrow? Are you ready for baseball games, homework, school functions, and conferences? Are you ready to be there when those boys need you? One father has already bailed; not that any of that is your problem Joe does really well when he is in town. Are you ready for when they get sick or scared in the middle of the night? Are you ready for those two boys and my mother because they all come right along with me? I am not the woman you can wine and dine and sleep with just to have a good night out on the town. If you think I haven't thought about that night and what it meant to me you are wrong. I know what it meant to me. What did it mean to you? Was it just more proof that you think I have this fantasy in my head about who you are and what you really do? I know what you do and I am glad that you do it so well because then that means I have you in my life at least one more day longer than I fear I won't." Lee stopped her there and held her as her tears fell from her eyes. He was beginning to understand that it wasn't Dean she wanted but what he was representing to her.

"Just answer me this Amanda and I will drop the subject."

"What?"

"Do you still feel the way you did about Dean now as you did at Thanksgiving in your kitchen and did that night with me mean anything at all? I wasn't just some kind of curiosity to get out of your system was I?"

She looked him in the eyes and said, "You will never be someone I could ever get out of my system. I feel the same about Dean now as I did then and I think he is getting the idea as well about where he stands in my life. He isn't ready to let go; I have to give him his time for him to know the truth and leave being okay about it when he does. I know that doesn't make sense…"

"It makes perfect sense. All this time I thought you were avoiding me at work and keeping your distance because you felt bad about what happened and that is why you went to him and was avoiding me. Billy even asked if I did something to you to make you distance yourself."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him the truth; that I hadn't done anything to make you want to not work with me lately. Francine is the one that asked if I was sleeping with you again."

"Again; when did we sleep together before?"

"When we were married and living in the Betsy Ross Estates."

"Why would she think we were sleeping together then?"

Pulling her closer he said, "I might have given her that impression. She was just saying all these terrible things about us being married and I wanted to shut her up and I did."

"What by telling her that we were sleeping together?"

"No, I never came outright and said that we were I just said that I was gaining an appreciation for the generosity and stamina of the American housewife."

Laughing she said, "Oh, my, gosh, Lee you haven't even seen my generosity and stamina yet; what are you going to tell her then?"

Looking her in the eye he said, "I don't know, call in dead?"

"That would be a perfectly good start. Lee, are you going to behave for the nurses here?"

"I was just about to ask that question myself. Please don't get up Amanda you look rather comfortable next to Lee." Billy Melrose asked as he entered the room.

Amanda did try to get up but Lee held her where she was and after a few minutes she just gave up. "Sir, Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too; I hope you haven't been here the whole night, Amanda?"

"No, I went home and got some sleep but my family had some presents for Lee and when they heard he was here they wanted to bring them."

Billy just nodded and asked, "Is this some new age hospital bedside manner I don't know about?"

"Sir, no, this isn't what it looks like." Amanda stammered.

"What does it look like then?" Billy asked his smile growing with every blush Amanda was producing.

Lee sat looking at her waiting to hear what she came up with, "This is two friends coming to an important decision and crossroad in their life and not handling it very well." She had nothing else top offer and Lee was no help.

"Then Amanda this is exactly what it looks like but Francine is on her way up so you might want to handle this better."

"Here let me help you up." Lee helped Amanda sit up and without thinking about Billy pulled her in for a kiss and then whispered, "I will answer every one of those questions you asked on two conditions."

"What is that?"

"Dean is out of the picture completely first and you never stop me from doing this whenever I want." As he went to kiss her the door began to open and she heard Francine and her mother and stood before Lee got a chance to even finish his last kiss.

Frowning at Billy who was smiling at him he just said, "Later, okay Billy?"

"Not a problem Lee."

Since Francine and Dotty met on the way up the elevator and found out they were headed for the same room, Dotty remembered where she knew Francine from, "how is your chimp dear?'

"My chimp; well unfortunately I had to get rid of him; the home owners association voted against me having him. He is in a better place now." Turning her attention to Billy Francine just smiled as Lee introduced Billy to Dotty.

"Amanda, dear the nurse said Lee has too many visitors and that some of us should leave."

"Yes, Mother, if you want you and the boys go start the car and I will be right down.

"Thank you Dotty; tell the boys I said thanks and I will see them later."

Waving and nodding she left the room with Amanda not far behind her. She wished him a quick recovery and a Merry Christmas. She then left the room while Billy smiled at her and with Francine moving her head about trying to figure out why she was there in the first place. Then remembering what Lee told Francine she walked back in the room, walked over to Lee and bent down and kissed him thoroughly and sincerely on the mouth then said, "Better get your strength back; you know how generous I am with you." Amanda then stood fully, squared her shoulders, faced Francine smiling and walked back out to meet her boys and mother at the car.


	5. New Year, New Start

**New Year, New Start**

_**New Year Eve**_

Amanda and Dean had just finished dinner and was about to move to the party room when Dean noticed that Lee Stetson and a very petite blond was walking into the room.

"Did you happen to tell Lee where we were going tonight?"

"No, I haven't seen Lee in a since I took the boys to see him in the hospital. I wasn't even at home when he brought their gifts by; why?" She answered wondering where he was going with all of this.

"I know you had to buy tickets months ago for this event but I just saw him and a blonde walking into the ballroom and I just thought…"

"You just thought what, Dean? What were you thinking?"

"That you might have mentioned it to him and he showed up to cause us problems." Dean admitted even to himself that sounded lame.

"Dean, contrary to what you have been thinking about me and Lee since Thanksgiving let me assure you; nothing has been going on between us that is not work related. I know you don't like the fact that he helped me get a job with IFF, but I needed a job and they needed help in the clerical department. He is not the only producer or director I am helping out. Will you please just stop all this? You trust me now or you don't; we are either going in there, where Lee and his date are, or we wasted our time coming out; which is it?" Amanda folded her arms across her chest waiting for him to dare say that he was going to take her home all because Lee Stetson and some blonde show up. For all she knew Lee was working and got an invitation at the last minute; known of which she was going to tell Dean about.

Seeing the look on her face Dean knew better than to take her home. He decided to give her a taste of her own medicine. "Okay, you win, I was being stupid; you and Lee are friends and co-workers; despite anything else that has happened between you two you have shown me that things are back on track with us and I trust you."

"Good, now that we have that out of the way could we please go and dance the night away?"

Lee knew the minute she walked in the room with Dean. His back was to her but he just knew she was there. Why was she there? Francine had to meet with a contact and she asked if he would back her up. He wasn't doing anything else why not. He dusted off his tux and met Francine at the hotel parking lot. He hadn't seen them when he and she had come in so they had to have been at the dinner.

The theme for the party this year was Return of the Roaring 20's. The hotel was built and opened for business on New Year's Eve 1923. It was their 60th year in operation. Lee scanned the room and found her almost immediately. She was stunning in her red flapper dress; she had a red peacock feather band in her hair that was up off her neck in 1920 fashion. He wondered if he could get her alone long enough to make contact while Francine made her contact.

"Not tonight Stetson," the voice behind him had him turning to face Francine, "it is a no go, and my contact wasn't here."

"Maybe or maybe he is dead. He was supposed to have something on the Ambassadors trip for when he arrives. He told me he knew all the details about a group plotting against him."

"Francine, for the job we do we just assume that any visiting dignitary has a group against him; hell our own President has a number of groups against him and half of them voted for him. It goes with the territory you know that. Dance with me, maybe that will take your mind off all this for a while."

"Take my mind off of everything or take yours off the fact that Mrs. American Housewife is over there doing the Charleston with the weatherman that likes to mess up the days you can have the top down on your car?"

"What are you talking about?" Lee said as he tried to look in some other direction other than Amanda and Dean.

"Lee, friend to friend can I ask you something?"

"You know you can ask me anything; what is it Francine?"

"Do you have something going on between you and Amanda?"

Lee automatically went into defense mode and rolled his eyes at her question and said, "Francine, what are you talking about?" He took a drink and then scanned the room on the opposite side of Amanda and Dean.

"Lee, you two have been acting strange around each other since Thanksgiving and what was with that kiss in the hospital that day?"

Smiling at the memory of Amanda kissing him before she left that day had Lee explaining, "She was just trying to get under your skin because I told her about that time when we played husband and wife. She thought it was funny that I told you what I did."

"You mean about her generosity?" Francine asked.

"Yes that is exactly what I mean."

The two friends stayed and ended up having a great time and reminiscing over past cases. Francine watched as Lee began to fidget the closer it got to midnight and said, "Okay, Casanova, we are two highly trained operatives. Midnight is getting closer and I know that I am not the one you want to kiss and I have no intention of leaving this party without one from someone in this room. I have a plan to get you to kiss Amanda at midnight and not get the weatherman all stormy. Are you with me?"

"Francine that really isn't necessary." Lee said but a part of him wanted to hear her idea.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes; with my life you know that."

"Okay, I will be right back; just do not move."

Francine walked over to Amanda's table and leaned down next to her pretending to pick something up. "Come to the bathroom please." Francine whispered in her ear and Amanda excused herself and followed Francine.

"Francine, is everything all right?"

"Not really. I have to ask you do you have a problem with me kissing Dean the weatherman at midnight."

"He is my date? What is wrong with Lee; since when does he have a problem kissing a beautiful woman?" Amanda was feeling a little strange at the way Francine was acting. Why would she want to kiss Dean?

Francine took Amanda by the arms and had her turn to face the mirror, "Lee doesn't have a problem with kissing a beautiful woman as long as it is the right woman. Tell me you don't want that midnight kiss with Lee. He has watched every move you have made tonight; he is the closest thing to a best friend that I have and if you are what he wants then I am going to have to find a to make sure he gets that tonight."

"I can't leave with him, Francine."

"I am not asking you to leave with him; I am asking you share that ever important midnight kiss with him. You share that with him and I get the weatherman."

Smiling she looked at the blonde and asked, "Why are you doing this? How are you going to do this?"

"Midnight is in five minutes; get on that dance floor and just get as close to me as you can. I will take care of the rest; you just better give him a better kiss than that weak kiss in the hospital." Francine knew that would get to her and Amanda just followed her back to the ballroom.

Francine walked over and pulled Lee to the center of the dance floor despite all of Lee's protests and she said, "Damn it, Lee trust me for once." Lee gave in and realized what she was doing as soon as he saw Amanda pulling Dean out onto the floor close to them.

"If you play your cards right, Scarecrow you are going to get the kiss of a lifetime tonight."

"Okay, I hope this works."

"It will; this is Francine your dealing with; not Bob Abernathy."

When the countdown began Francine got in position to make sure she was the one pulling Dean toward her as Lee and Amanda moved closer to one another. At the stroke of midnight, Francine pulled dean to her and said, "If you don't kiss me right now I will die." Francine was on Dean before he had a chance to even think about it and after she had him Dean was so surprised he went it; forgetting Amanda.

Lee pulled Amanda away and pulled her in his arms and said, "Happy New Year Amanda."

Lee pulled her close and slowly touched her lips with his and she opened to him almost before he was there. The kisses deepen and he began to forget where he was and just how little time he had with her as his hand slipped beneath her fringed flapper dress to find out if she was wearing garters with her hose; his reward was feeling the small metal clasp before he felt her hand pulling his back to her waist. He slipped and eyelid open and saw Francine still engaged with Dean but saw that he was beginning to retreat. Lee knew that with that retreat his time with Amanda would be done. He pulled back from her and slowly and reluctantly set her back toward Dean just as Francine was releasing him.

Winking at Amanda she said, "Thanks for letting me use your guy; I just couldn't resist."

"Oh, that is okay as long as you saved some for me." Amanda said then she felt a resounding smack on her backside after she had made the comment. She turned around but didn't find anyone there but she knew she wouldn't and she knew it was Lee.

Dean walked Amanda over to their table to get their things and Dean immediately said, "I have no idea who that woman is or why she would want to kiss me; I swear it Amanda."

"You are a good kisser I can see why she would want to kiss you."

"Well, can I ask this; if I was kissing her at midnight then who prey tell were you kissing."

Amanda looked him in the eyes and smiled and said, "The woman kissing you is a friend of mine and…"

"…she kissed me so you could kiss Lee. Amanda, why are you doing this to us?"

"Why am I doing? What Dean?"

"Why are you telling me that you and he are only friends and coworkers now when you damn good you two are not just that."

"Dean, it is a lot more complicated than it seems at the time with Lee. Yes I wanted to kiss him; but I was with you and I was going to until Francine grabbed you and he grabbed me."

"You are going to tell me you had nothing to do with it at all?"

"I can stand here and look you in the eyes and honestly tell you I did nothing to plan what happened."

"Amanda King you may not have planned it but you didn't prevent it either."

Francine and Lee heard the whole exchange between the two but lost the rest of the conversation as Dean and Amanda walked away to what they thought was the parking garage. Francine told Lee thanks for coming with her and sorry the evening was a waste.

"Not a total waste; I did kiss Amanda at midnight thanks to you. Hey, Francine, do you think you could keep this between us please?"

"Lee, anyone I could even possibly think of telling wouldn't believe me if I told them you had a thing for Amanda King. Have a good night and Happy New Year." Francine kissed him on the cheek and went to get in her car and saw Amanda walking back into the hotel. She tried to catch up but she was too far away.

Amanda walked through the lobby and went to the desk to get some change for the payphone. As she was walking over Lee saw her and followed since she was alone. He thought it looked like she was crying.

"Amanda?"

Without looking at him Amanda answered, "Lee, I thought you and Francine would have left too. Don't you work early tomorrow?"

"We just were; well she is already. Hey, look at me are you okay?" He placed his hands on her shoulders to get her to look at him and she tried avoiding it but it was no use; he saw her tears and pulled her in his arms and she didn't fight the embrace; even though she should have.

"What did he say to you?"

"Lee, that isn't important. I am just going to call my cab and go home."

"The hell it isn't important; why won't you tell me what he said?"

The look in her eyes it began to hit him that whatever Dean had said to her had more to do with him. "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for, Lee?"

"It just seems to me that if it weren't for me; that you wouldn't cry so much lately. I don't like to see you so upset."

Amanda couldn't breathe at his statement. She just stood and looked at him knowing what it meant for him to even admit to that to her. Amanda was still staring when Lee said, "Do you need a ride home?"

"Yes I do; I was coming back in to call a cab."

Wiping the last of her tears from her eyes he said, "Let me take you home. No hidden agendas just a ride home; I won't even talk if you don't want me to. No matter how much I want to ask you about tonight."

"That would be great; thank you Lee."

The ride home to Arlington for the most part Lee was quite only talking when Amanda asked him something. His mind wasn't really on what she was saying until he heard, "…naked and dancing on the table."

"What?"

"Now that I have your attention again I was asking if you could tell me why you and Francine were at the party. The last time we talked you didn't have any plans for tonight because you tried to get me to change mine with Dean to be with you."

"I know; but she had to meet a contact and since each ticket for tonight was priced for two people she asked if I would back her up and I didn't realize that it was the same party until I saw you."

"I see; so Lee, how do I look?" She asked.

Lee's mouth went dry and said, "Can I take you to my place and answer that?"

"No. How do I look?"

"You look amazing in that dress; you know that though so why are you asking?"

"Why did you put your hand under my dress?"

"I needed to know if you went full out with your costume or not. You did and now all I can think about is those damn garter snaps and what they are attached to."

Amanda smiled at his honesty. "Lee, do you hate me?"

"What? What kind of question is that?"

"An honest one; I mean I haven't been very fair to you or Dean."

"A-man-da, first off I was confused and then after you visited in the hospital I got it. You had a long list of questions for me but I only have one for you."

"What is that?"

"Did you ask Dean all those questions?"

"I didn't need to ask all of those to Dean; he asked me to marry him. That means he is pretty ready I guess."

"So what your telling me is that Dean wants all the same things you want; right?"

Lee pulled the car into her driveway and put the car in park and set the parking brake. He looked at her and said, "I am right aren't I Amanda; Dean is the perfect man, on paper that is. On paper I don't measure up so great do I?"

She reached over and moved her hand over his forehead and she said, "Lee, you are just fine on and off paper. I just wanted you to think about and understand what kind of life I had." His voice raised and his emotions were raw. He turned and got out of the car and opened her door for her. He held out his hand and as she took it to exit the car he pushed back the urge to pull her in his arms.

She saw his pain and internal confusion and she didn't want to hurt him anymore. She told him thanks for the ride and went to head into the house. Lee pulled her back to him and before she could protest and he could think twice he held her to him and kissed her. She welcomed him and his tender attention.

He let her go and said in a low whisper against her neck, "I have to leave now before I really embarrass myself." She watched as he got in the car and remembered the last time she watched him drive away.


	6. Dean Who?

**Dean Who?**

Amanda walked into the house after watching Lee drive away and set her clutch and keys on the counter while she took off her shoes when a tiny voice from behind her made her jump, "Momma?"

"Oh, Jamie, you scared me sweetheart. What are you doing here? I thought you and Philip went to Davey's house to spend the night while your grandmother and I went out tonight."

"I had to much candy and got sick and Grandma's date fell and hurt his ankle. Davey's mom saw grandma come home and called her."

Touching his forehead and feeling his face she asked, "Are you feeling better now?"

"My stomach still hurts. Momma, Phillip said that you and Dean were in love and Grandma says that Dean asked you to marry him." It wasn't a question but just a statement.

"Yes Dean did ask me to marry him and I love Dean. What brought on that?" She asked as her and Jamie moved over to the couch and she pulled him in her arms to hold him.

"If you love Dean and if he wants to marry you why do you and Lee kiss a lot when he leaves here? You don't even kiss Dad like you kiss Lee."

"My boys are growing up too fast it seems. Let me see if I can answer this to where you will understand. Dean asked me to marry him months ago; I have never answered him with a yes because as much as I do love Dean I do not love him like a wife would a husband."

"Is that why you and Dad got divorced because you didn't love him like a husband?"

"Your Dad and I got a divorce for more than one reason; reasons that I will explain to you when you are a little older. I only want the best for your Dad and I hope that you and your brother always know that no matter what is going on between the two of us; it does not change the fact that you and your brother are the best thing that ever happened to your father and me."

"So you still love Dad?"

"Yes; how can I not? You and your brother are the best and worst of your father and me."

"The worst; I don't understand."

"Each one of you is exactly half of me and half of your father. You take on more of my qualities and your brother more of Joe's. That makes you the best and the worst of us."

"Would it be wrong of me to want you and Dad back together?"

"No; I would be worried if one of you didn't. Phillip got more time with your father being at home than you did and I understand that desire for you to have us together; but Jamie your Dad and I are just friends now and I love him but I love him because of you and your brother not because I want to be with him again. I am sorry, sweetheart, but your Dad and I are not going to remarry; at least not to each other."

"Are you going to marry Dean then?"

"Nope; I am not going to marry Dean."

"Then why are you still dating him and going out with him like you did tonight?"

"Tonight I kept a promise I made to him months ago. If he had changed his mind and didn't want me to go and told me that then I would have been right here at home tonight."

"Grandma says that you and she are going to have lunch with Dean's mom in a few days. Are you just keeping a promise about that too? Phillip says that when you meet people's parents it is pretty much a big deal."

"Normally it is. In this case though you are right I am keeping a promise to her to have lunch. You sure do get a lot of information from your brother."

"He is older he knows things."

Smiling she said, "Does he? What else has he told you that he knows about?"

"Girls and how they think."

"Really; how do we think?"

"That most girls want a boy around so they aren't lonely or feel ugly."

"Do you think I feel ugly and that is why I hang out with Dean?"

"No; I don't think your ugly neither does Phillip; he just said you were lonely."

"Jamie I am not lonely."

"Momma, if Lee asked you to marry him would you?"

She thought about his question and she knew her answer but she also knew that Lee would never ask her that question. "I don't know; what if I did how would you feel about it?"

"I don't think I would mind. He seems more oh I don't know more fun I guess."

"Jamie, Lee is a lot of fun but he is also very busy with his job and out of town a lot; sometimes months at a time. It would almost be like your Dad." Amanda didn't like the way that statement made her feel.

"No, Lee would come home; Dad doesn't." Jamie said and Amanda heard the small catch in his voice and held him closer.

"Jamie, would you like to call your Dad and talk to him?"

His eyes lit up and then almost instantly he said, "It is too late and cost too much."

"It will be fine come on let's call your Dad." She said in her cheeriest voice.

Amanda went to the phone and dialed the international number for Joe and waited until she heard his voice, "Hello?"

"Joe, hello; how are you?"

"Amanda, Happy New Year. I am fine is everything all right with the boys, you and Dotty?"

"We are fine but Jamie really just wanted to talk to you."

"Put him on. Jamie, son, are you okay?"

Amanda went to change clothes as she heard Jamie telling his Dad all about school. She was coming back down when she heard Jamie say, "His name is Lee and he drives a really fancy car and he makes Momma smile a lot. No, he is really nice to us. He even bought Phillip a remote control car and chopper for Christmas and he bought me an all glass chess board and he gave me a book on the American Civil War with a lot of cool pictures in it. She says just friends but she doesn't kiss her other friends like she kisses Lee. Dad? Dad? Mom I think I lost the call I can't hear Dad anymore." He said handing the receiver to her.

"Joe? Joe, are you there?" Without a response she hung the phone up and looked at Jamie and said, "Well, you got a few minutes on the phone with him so why don't you go and get some sleep."

She followed Jamie upstairs and tucked him in and asked if he felt better since talking with her and his Dad and when he said a little she placed a kiss on his forehead and felt his fever coming back and went to get some medicine. He was almost asleep before she got back with it to give him the dose. She went downstairs and locked the doors and windows and then checked on her mother, who had been sleeping since Amanda had gotten home. Walking in her room she decided she didn't want to change again and crawled into bed. Lying there she began to think about Lee. "I really hurt him I have to talk to him and make sure he is okay." She said out loud.

She jumped at the voice coming from her bathroom, "I swear Amanda King if you call Dean McGuire I will cut your phone lines before he has a chance to answer."

"Lee? What are you doing here?"

"I didn't like how I left and so I came back. I came around back and Jamie was on the phone with Joe and so I snuck up here; you know you really shouldn't leave your window unlocked and cracked open, any one could get in here." She didn't have to have the light on to know that he was smiling that wide dimpled grin her way.

Turning the bedside light on she patted the bed next to her and said, "You wanted to talk so talk."

"I didn't say anything about talking; I said I didn't like the way I left." He said as he leaned over her and began to kiss her. She pulled him closer and in between kisses she said, "My mother and Jamie are here."

"I know and at this moment they are both asleep so I suggest that when we call out each other's name we do so quietly." He said in the crook of her neck as he planted tiny kisses along her shoulder and neck. "Who says you are going to get that far?"

"Who says I'm not?"

Amanda couldn't answer him because she had placed her mouth over his and began to explore his with her own and her hands began to roam his body and all she wanted to do was to get him out of that tux and into her.

Lee followed her lead and began to explore and then it became a race as to which one could escape their clothes the fastest. No winner was declared but Lee pushed her covers back and not so gently pushed her to the bed and then straddled her. He sat looking at her and marveling in the perfection of the woman beneath him. His hands ran along her neck her shoulders and then finally across the flat of her stomach and he suddenly had a mental picture of her belly round and large with his baby growing inside her. This picture should have sent him running from the house but it only fueled his passion.

"Oh, God Amanda, I need you so much." Lee growled as he lowered his head to kiss her flat stomach.

"I'm right here. What do you need?"

Without words Lee showed her what he needed. He wasn't gentle and kind and loving about it. He showed her his raw desire and need for her. He bit at her neck, her lips, and her sensitive spot behind her ear. He plunged himself into her before knowing if her body was ready for his. He was wild and passionate but never hurt her. He showed her the only way he could that his need for her was strong and unforgiving. Afterwards lying in his arms Amanda wiped the sweat from his forehead and said, "Wow; you were right."

Smiling down at her he said, "I was right about what Amanda?"

"That if you ever got me in the bedroom I wouldn't be able to drive home. I will be lucky if I can make it to the bathroom to shower later." She said laughing.

Fear filled him as he said, "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

"No, I feel great. Was this the only reason you came back to the house?"

"No."

After a few more minutes of silence Amanda moved forward, "Would you like to tell me why you did?"

"I did come back to talk and explain myself and tonight. I don't want to complicate your life. I don't want to hurt you or your family. You scare the hell out of me. I have never known anyone like you. You make me want to pull my hair out and at the same time pull you close and never let you out of my sight. I don't know what to do. I don't know what you want or need from me."

"Lee, I need and want only what you want me to have. You are not the only one scared here. I am terrified." She admitted that much at least to him. She knew she would take whatever little he gave over to her of himself.

"Terrified; of what Amanda?"

"You, me, this; I am terrified that the little time we have spent is all I will have so I take it and savor every morsel you allow me. I am terrified that if I open completely to you that you are going to hurt me because of your own fear; I am afraid that I will add to your distrust of love and compassion because of my own fear of allowing another man to take hold of my heart and breaking it beyond repair."

After a few minutes of silence Lee said, "What do we do then? Sneak in private and hope that one day one of us has the guts to say what we need to out loud?" Lee placed a kiss on her head and realized she had fallen asleep in his arms and as much as he wanted to stay he knew he had to leave her. Gently getting out of bed and dressing he left the same way he came in, out her window getting in his car and leaving again; this time no more at ease than the first and deciding he would stay away and leave her alone.

Amanda and Dotty were preparing for their lunch with Dean's mother a few days later and Phillip told her that she had a phone call. She was hoping it was Lee. She hadn't heard from him and she had tried calling but he wasn't calling back.

"Hello." She said in her normal cheery voice.

"Amanda, Billy needs you to help me today for a few hours if you can."

"I have plans today and you know that." Excited at the sound of his voice she was still annoyed with his lack of phone manners.

"I know I told him but he said you will be home in time for your lunch with his mother." Amanda caught the tone as Lee said the word _his_. She wasn't surprised and she wanted to see him.

"What do you need?"

More than you know he thought and but instead said, "I need you to go to a few safe drops and get some information."

"That's it?"

"You sound disappointed. Now here is the information." After giving her instructions he told her to meet him at a place called Milo's.

Sitting next to Amanda's mother hours later in the waiting room Lee felt awful knowing it was his drops that got her in the hospital in the first place. He was so happy when Francine said she found a match for Amanda at the hospital; when she ended up being kidnapped at Milo's Lee was calling into Billy. The doctor came toward them and said, "Are you here for Amanda King?"

"Yes." "Yes." They said in unison and both stood at the same time.

"The good news is she is awake and knows who she is but she also has suffered a very traumatic head injury. She is experiencing what is known as retrograde amnesia. She can remember most things but she is really confused with current things. It should only take a few days to recover from that with any luck."

"Other than her memory is she okay?" Lee asked before Dotty had the chance.

"Well, like I said she can't remember current things so until she recovers fully I wouldn't say anything about the baby to her."

Lee and Dotty looked at one another and together again said, "BABY!"

"Yes, Mrs. King was according to all the results pregnant. Didn't she know?"

"If she did she didn't tell me." Dotty said looking to Lee.

"Well, she didn't tell me." Lee said sitting back down and running his hand through his hair.

"She might not have known yet; so unless she mentions it you might wait until she is completely healed before telling her she lost it." The doctor then turned away from them and went on with his duties.

"Lost?" Lee said looking at Dotty.

"Lee he means a miscarriage. Amanda lost a baby."

"Let's go see her." They walked into the room and Amanda stirred she recognized her mother but not the handsome man next to her.

"How are you feeling?" Dotty asked.

"Like I was in a car accident Mother. Who is your friend?" She asked and she thought she saw a hurt look in his beautiful eyes.

Lee stood there realizing she didn't know him. That means she didn't remember Thanksgiving or New Year's Eve or any of the other stolen kisses and moments together. If it was his baby that she lost neither would know if she couldn't tell him. Lee turned and went from the room.

"Mother, who was that man?"

"You work with him and you two are very good friends. His name is Lee Stetson. Do you remember him?"

"No, I don't."

"Amanda, do you know what you and I were planning to do today?"

"We were making sandwiches and cream puffs for someone today."

"Dean's mother."

"Dean who?"

"Oh, dear. Amanda, Dean is your boyfriend."

"Why wouldn't I remember him?"

Later the next day after being released and sent home, Dotty went to the store to get Amanda's favorite meal; pot roast. While she was gone Lee came in and surprised her.

"Who are you?"

"Lee Stetson." Her confusion on her face mirrored his.

"We work together and you were helping me when you got hurt."

"Mother, told me you were a film maker."

"Not exactly."

"What exactly are you?"

"I work for the government and not in the film industry. You were taken by men that have information we need and now you have it. We need it and we need you to remember it. I was hoping that if I took you to the office it might help jar your memory."

"Are you telling me you are a spy?"

"I never really cared for that word."

"You're a spy?" She said in disbelief.

"Guess what?" He said.

"What?"

"You are too?"

After talking a few more minutes Amanda left with Lee to go in to the office to see if she could help him. It was something in his eyes that made her want to help him. She wasn't sure what it was but she just knew that he needed her and she was going to help him. The office only helped her remember one of the words and it didn't seem very helpful.

Lee took her to his apartment to talk and to let her rest. He wasn't comfortable with her going home yet. When they got there he called her mother to let her know that he had come by and that Amanda was with him and she would be home before dinner.

Amanda walked around the apartment and flashes came in front of her eyes. One was a flash of her standing in his apartment with clothes and food boxes everywhere and Lee offering her coffee. The next flash was of her wiggling her finger and him coming toward her.

"I thought Mother told me that Dean was my boyfriend and that you and I were just friends."

Lee could tell she was remembering something he was afraid to ask what. "She is right; why?"

"The doctor told me I would forget things that were emotionally complicated for me. If we are just friends why is it complicated; especially if I have a boyfriend?"

Lee didn't know what to tell her. He told her the only thing he could, "Sometimes with our jobs we have had to play act so to speak and in certain situations to get our asses out of the fire. Sometimes those cases involved us pretending to be married."

"So you and I have never actually had sex or been involved?"

"No, we have and I think that is where your confusion is at; that is why you might not be remembering us."

Another flash came to Amanda as she sat there and as she placed her hands on her forehead Lee asked, "Hey are you remembering another word?"

"I think so; oh my, gosh." The look in her eyes made Lee hopeful that she remembered any more from her kidnapping.

"What; what is it you remember?" Lee asked coming to her side and sitting next to her on the couch and placing his arm around her.

"This…" Amanda pulled him to her and kissed him and as his hand went under her sweater to feel her skin underneath she pushed him away and told him another word.

"Maybe I should kiss you some more that seemed to help you remember a word." He said laughing.

"No, I think we need to stop." She said as she stood and walked toward his window.

"Why stop now? You might not remember it later."

"Funny, Scarecrow, very funny. I think I should go home and rest."

"Amanda, just go take a nap in my room. I will stay out here and call Billy and see if that other word helps with what we have." He walked over to her and kissed gently and sent her to his room.

Amanda lay in Lee's bed and tried to nap but all she could do was toss and turn because no matter which way she was facing she could smell him. He was like a drug to her; intoxicating her to the point where all she wanted was to have him with her. Every time she was around him it became more and more intense. She always thought her attraction would diminish over time but since they had gotten closer the feeling increased. She gathered her things and climbed out his window and headed home. She found a cab and made her way to the house and as she walked in her mother was there with Dean to greet her.

Lee found his room empty when he went to check on Amanda and he called her house to see if she was there but when Dean answered the phone Lee slammed the phone down. If she did go home she might not be there yet and when she got there Dean would be waiting for her. That man is really starting to piss me off Lee thought.

Later the day Amanda was sitting on the couch with Dean when a commercial for a tiny airport came on and she got hit with another flash and she knew she had to get to Lee and let him know. She called Lee's apartment and he wasn't there and so she tried to remember IFF's number. By the time she finally found a card with the number on it she got Francine.

"Is Lee there Francine? I really need to talk to him; I remembered something else."

"He is in with Billy let me put you through to his office."

Waiting to hear Lee's voice she noticed that Dean was staring at her while on the phone. She knew that he heard her ask for Lee.

"Amanda, are you all right?" Lee asked and she knew she was on the speaker phone as she said, "I am fine but you need to get to Alabam Air. It is a tiny airport that holds private planes. I just saw on the news that the King will be making a stop there."

Frustrated Lee said, "Amanda, we know that. We finally nailed down his schedule."

"That is where I took the car from when I escaped yesterday. That is where I was held Lee, are you listening to me?"

Dean heard her side of the conversation and said, "Where you were held? I just thought you were in a car accident?"

"Is Dean still there?" Lee yelled and ran his fingers over his face.

"Yes, he is and how did you know?"

"Don't worry about it. Just stay put and I will let you know if everything is okay." Lee pushed the button on the speaker phone and cursed, "Damn that son of a bitch!"

"Lee, calm down. We need to go and check on the King and his visit to the air strip now. I just want you to know that when this is all over I want to talk to you alone about everything that has been going on."

Lee just nodded as he left Billy's office and took Francine with him as back up. When they arrived at they found Amanda's car already there. "What the hell is she doing here?" Francine asked.

"Hell if I know; but I am going to kill her myself if they haven't already. I told her to stay put."

"She never stays put and you know that; hell the entire Agency knows that."

They exited the car and as they came up on building they saw Amanda was tied up and in full ramble mode which seemed to upsetting the mechanics. "Lady, shut up. We know who you are and we know where you live; but none of that is going to make a difference when the King makes his turn over Arlington; a deadly nerve gas will kill everyone in the area. At the threat of everyone she knew and loved her memories came flooding back in full force.

Hours later after her debriefing Amanda went home to find dinner ready and the boys, Dotty, and Dean waiting for her. Amanda sat and had dinner and listened to everyone's day and when the boys asked if she was doing better she said, "I am as good as new. My memory came back while I was out."

"Where were you when it came back?" Phillip asked.

"I was with the authorities helping them get the men that helped contribute to my accident and memory loss."

"Amanda, will you have to go to trial?"

"No, mother, these were federal authorities unless they really need something from me they took all the information to have. I shouldn't have to go to trial."

"Federal; Amanda you could have been seriously hurt."

"Mother, I was seriously hurt; but now I am fine and everything will be too."

Clearing the dishes and then helping the boys load the dishwasher, Amanda looked at Dean and said, "Will you come talk with me please outside?"

"I would love to be alone with you outside." He said with a smile and walked out behind her.

They sat down across from each other at the picnic table and Amanda said, "Dean, I think we need to stop all of this wishful thinking and stop seeing each other. I thought I could try and make up for the betrayal of sleeping with Lee and hurting you; but I now realize that I can't make it right when you want me to feel sorry for it and I just don't. I do not regret sleeping with Lee Stetson one bit and I will not lie to you about that."

"You said you wanted to try; you wanted to work it out." He said as he started to get up and walk around the table to her.

"Dean, I did try. I do feel bad about how I made you feel; you didn't deserve it, but I will not sit here and say that night or any other night with Lee has been a mistake."

"Any other; does that mean you have been continuing to sleep with him?"

Looking him in the eye she said, "Not until you accused me of still sleeping with him. You see, the doctor told me the things I had forgotten were probably do to some kind of emotional complication. Forgetting you I could see because Mother was telling me how we had dated for so long and you asking me to marry you and me not answering you. I chalked it up to I must have been scared to get married again. Then she told me that Lee was a friend and coworker. Friends and coworkers shouldn't be complicated; until Lee told me that we slept together."

"Now your life isn't complicated?"

"No, it isn't. You see Dean, I was around Lee for a few minutes and began to remember him and how he was in my life; I didn't remember you until everything came back. That tells me that I know that you are a great man who has a wonderful heart but I am not the right woman for you. If I was I would have already given you an answer and I never would have cheated on you."

Amanda saw the hurt and pain on his face and wished that she hadn't been the one to put it there but she was and when he said, "Is Lee the right man for you?"

"I don't know; but I know I really want to find out and I am not going to lead you on and make you believe that we are okay when we aren't."

"No, you would never do that and I know that after Thanksgiving that should have been my clue to leave but I wasn't ready. I still am not ready but I know that I feel better hearing you say it out loud instead of always going home and wondering if you are running to him when I leave. I just want you to be happy."

"I want the same for you it just isn't me." She leaned over and gave him a small kiss on his cheek and wished him well as he went and said his goodbyes to Dotty and the boys.

Amanda put the boys to bed and asked her mother if she would watch them while she went out.

"Where are you going now? The doctor still wants you to rest." Dotty told her.

"I will be home as soon as I can; I need to talk to Lee."

Dotty saw the look in her daughter's eyes and knew what she saw there and she wished she didn't have to remember everything.

"Did you know?" Dotty asked.

"I was beginning to; he needs to know." She said with a tear in her eye.

"He knows."

"Does he know it was his?" Amanda asked her mother.

"I think he just hoped for your sake you never knew in the first place. The plan was not to tell you unless you remembered you knew."

"I'll be back Mother."

"Take your time; I'll be here."

"You always are." Amanda hugged her mother and picked up her purse and keys and headed to Lee's apartment.

She hesitated before knocking on the door. Tears were already rolling down her face as Lee opened the door and saw her standing there.

"Amanda?" Seeing her there and crying broke his heart but he needed this to be on her terms this time.

"I need to tell you something and you need to answer some questions for me."

"What about Dean?" Lee asked resisting the urge to pull her into his arms and hold her until she stopped crying. He knew that she wasn't able for any more physical contact than that.

She looked him in the eyes, moved closer, wrapped her arms around him looking and said, "Dean Who?"


	7. Tears, Fears, Questions, and Answers

**Tears, Fears, Questions, and Answers**

She hesitated before knocking on his door; tears were already rolling down her face as Lee opened the door and saw her standing there. "Amanda?" Seeing her there crying broke his heart but he needed this to be on her terms this time.

"I need to tell you something and you need to answer some questions for me." She said between her tears; she needed to feel his arms around her.

"What about Dean?" Lee asked resisting the urge to pull her into his arms and hold her until she stopped crying. He knew that she wasn't able for any more physical contact than that. She looked him in the eyes, moved closer, wrapped her arms around him and said, "Dean who?"

He returned her embrace briefly before moving out of the way and allowed her to enter. Amanda set her coat and purse down as Lee shut the door and followed her to the living room. She had taken her shoes off and sat in the corner of the couch with her feet tucked under her. Lee thought how her posture was different from Thanksgiving; she looked broken and he had never seen her broken.

"Amanda?" He moved toward her like he would an armed Soviet agent; slowly and with care.

"I don't know where to begin; I have made so many mistakes in the last few months. I only came here that night to talk and seeing Cindi here I became so jealous and determined to show you that I was just as sexy and beautiful as all those women you go out with. I wanted you to eat your words and be taught a lesson."

Smiling at the memory of that night Lee said, "I have eaten those words and learned my lesson well where you are concerned. Amanda, I never meant for you to feel like you weren't desirable or sexy or beautiful because you are all those things. I was trying to remind myself that you were to be a keep my hands off kind of person. When I came over on Thanksgiving and Dean was there and the way he was with you; I wanted to throttle him."

"Does that mean you were jealous?"

"Of course I was even more after watching the way he would hold you close and tease you; it was in a way that only someone who has been intimate with someone acts. Did you ever realize that one of my favorite parts of that day was getting to hold your hand during prayer before dinner?"

"Holding my hand was your favorite part?" She brushed more tears from her eyes wondering if that was his favorite part then why do they keep ending up having sex with each other?

"I said one of my favorites; oh, God, honey why are you still crying?" He couldn't sit there any longer watching her cry. Lee moved closer and pulled her into his arms and held her close which only made her cry harder. They didn't speak he just held her until her tears stopped until she finally she looked up into his eyes and whispered, "I am so sorry."

"Amanda, what do you have to be sorry for?" He had no idea where her train of thought was beginning to go but he wished she wouldn't start crying every time she looked at him.

Pulling from his embrace and away from him she said, "I want you to understand I didn't tell you anything before because I wanted to be sure."

"Amanda, I know you have been through a lot in the last few days and…"

"I lost your baby." She broke down and Lee sat looking at her not knowing what to say to make her feel better if anything could. "I lost your baby; I was pregnant and I lost your baby. It was there and I was just starting to know myself and I hadn't told you yet because I needed to be sure I was pregnant. I also wanted and needed to have Dean gone and I only was with him on New Year's because I made a promise to Dean and I wanted to keep it. I told Dean tonight I wasn't going to lie to him any longer about how I feel about him. I broke it off; he wasn't happy. I knew he wouldn't be and I had to tell you not that I know if it will do me any good because why would it matter to you?"

"_Our_ baby, Amanda, it was _our_ baby and it matters. It matters a hell of a lot more than you can possibly even know." He said quietly still taking in the fact that his fear that she lost his baby was true. In the back of his mind he had a feeling the baby was his as he remembered the vision he had of her being pregnant. He looked up at her again and went to her and forced her to look him in the eyes, "Why would you even think for one minute that our baby wouldn't matter? I was there with your mother when the doctor told her about the miscarriage; he said you might not have even known yet yourself."

"Did you think it was Dean's?" She laid her head on his chest and felt comfort in his arms. At that point all she knew was she needed this man to hold him in his arms and she never wanted to leave him until he understood what he meant to her.

"I didn't know what to think. Maybe, for a millisecond, it crossed my mind that I wasn't the father and that Dean was and that was why you wanted to keep him around. Finally in the end I had a feeling that the baby was mine. I never said anything to you because your memory was delicate about how you were remembering things. I didn't want to force a memory of a miscarriage you suffered while unconscious and the possibility that you never even knew you were pregnant to begin with. Does that make sense, honey? Besides I knew the times we were together and to be honest there was that part of my ego that wanted to think that after we had been together that you wouldn't have been with Dean any more, at least sexually; but I couldn't be sure. I thought you were trying to make up, work things out and then I found out you weren't…"

"When did you find that out?" She asked looking up into his eyes seeing the beginnings of that Stetson smile that made her world melt.

"In a way, honey, you told me." He kissed the tip of her nose. He was feeling better since her tears seemed to stop at least for the time being. Moving with Lee back to the couch Amanda asked, "I don't ever remember telling you I wasn't working it out with him."

"Yes, you did, but at the same time you weren't giving me the green light to move us forward either."

"I did to." Lee smiled as she said this. He was seeing his Amanda starting to come back to him.

"No you didn't. Think about it. You leave my apartment after having the most amazing sex and go to him before you even go and change clothes? In my mind that tells me you felt bad about it; so bad in fact that you went to confess and ask forgiveness. All the while telling me you are not sorry and you do not regret it but you are still with him."

"Okay, I get that reason of thinking but what about at all the times after that and I never resisted your kisses or advances."

"No, but most of those kisses were on assignments for covers; not that I didn't enjoy them any less than if they weren't for work and I would need a cold shower later but never the less you just seemed like it was the job and nothing else."

"Oh, it was definitely something else. Are you telling me you couldn't tell how your kisses affected me in any capacity?" She settled on his lap instead of next to him wanting his closeness around her.

"I was in the hospital on Christmas day and you brought your family to see me. You sat next to me in my bed and kissed me and then once again you went to him on New Year's. I didn't know what else to think but that you were going to stay with him. That is why I came back to your house. I really wanted to prove him right about his theory of men marking their women like wild animals mark their territory. I was bound and determined to make you mine that night. Then you told me that what we had terrified you. I couldn't push you then even though I wanted to. I wanted to push you through your fear of me, my past and even your past."

"I can see where you thought I was pushing you away and I'm sorry for that. I guess in a way I have been pushing you away because of my fears. I just didn't want to get close or the boys to get close and find out I was just a novelty for you."

"No, you are a mystery to me not a novelty. When did you know about our baby?" He asked running one of his hands over her back and the other over her abdomen.

"When you have amnesia you don't question being on your period until you get your memory back and realize what you lost. Mother said you knew that I had a miscarriage. I am sorry you had to find out that way. I was actually going to tell you when I finally met up with you at Milo's."

"Wait you were going to tell me that you were pregnant and then go and have lunch with _his_ mother?" He wanted to stand up and pace around but he couldn't do that with her on his lap. He was having a hard time wrapping his head around that theory.

"Lee, no, I wasn't going to tell you about the pregnancy at Milo's I was going to tell you I wanted you to come by the house that night so we could have the conversation we are having now; about you and me and where we are headed. My lunch with Dean's mother was nothing more than another attempt at Dean to keep me with him."

"You don't seem like the type to lead men on yet for the last few months I have felt like I have no sense of stability around you. In the field yes; things are getting better if you are going to be in the field you are at least starting to listen a little more. Outside of the field you have me going in all directions. You let me kiss you, hold you, be with you, but not allow me to really get close to you."

"You want to talk about not being able to get close to someone; look at you. For the longest time you tell me we are not emotionally involved that everything we do is for the job. Then you show up at my house, spend time with my family and me and tell me not to trust you."

"Of course I didn't want you to completely trust me. I knew how I was beginning to feel about you before I ever went to your house no matter what excuse I gave myself that day."

"What excuse was that?" It was her turn to force his eyes to her.

"I wanted to watch you rally and try to explain me to them since you had asked me to come over for Thanksgiving after only knowing me less than a day. I mean knowing what I did for a living and knowing you would have to explain me; I know it was evil but I wanted to make you sweat a little."

"You did; just not until I came over here though. So what were you feeling about me before you came over and all this started?"

"From the day we met I knew that you were beautiful but then I saw the kids in the station wagon and I knew you weren't just some easy go with the flow let me call you later after this mission kind of woman. I knew that you were different from the beginning. I mean you got on a train to give a package to a man you didn't know in your night gown for heaven's sake. I knew you had guts."

"I knew I was scared especially when I saw all those Shriners on the train." She smiled at him then and he went to sit back down next to her.

"Amanda, I want you to understand that I am sorry you lost our baby. I will never be sorry for the reasons the baby was here in the first place. I do not regret having sex with you either time. I do feel bad that it was this job that caused the miscarriage; if you weren't there then you wouldn't have gotten taken and you wouldn't have been in the accident and you wouldn't…"

"Be here with you now. I came here because the accident and the memory loss really put things in perspective for me. I didn't remember you, and I understand why, but when I did I knew I had no choice left in the matter where you are concerned. In all honestly, I didn't remember Dean either. Dean was an emotional complication I had made for myself. You know you promised to answer some questions for me as long as Dean was completely out of the picture; so answer Scarecrow."

"If we get into that tonight it could be a very long conversation; do you have the time?"

"I have all night." She leaned up and briefly kissed him; Lee deepened it until he heard her moan low in her throat and was back to reality about what she was physically able to handle. She needed the contact and so did he, "Amanda, you want to talk then we should stop kissing and besides if we keep kissing I am just taking another cold shower and I am not in the mood for a cold shower."

Sighing heavily she said, "I know; I just wanted to be closer to you for a few minutes."

"I think we will be very close after we have this conversation. Now start your questions; do you remember them?"

"Don't you?" She asked as she raised her eyebrow at him making him smile at her attempt to seem threatening to him.

"Yes, I have thought about them a lot since you asked me them at Christmas. You first asked if I was applying for the position. I am applying for a shot at the position. I want an honest to God one on one shot at being with you; no one else in the equation to make me feel like I have to compete for you attention."

"Lee, I do have other men in my life whose interests and demands are going to come before you."

"Amanda I know that Phillip and Jamie come before me; I can accept that but no other men. Your next question I believed was if I was ready for baseball games, homework, school functions, and conferences. Now we both know that my job requires a lot of travel at times and even some sketchy trips around the city but I am willing to make as many games as I can, I would be a great help in certain areas of homework, and school functions if we are together they are a given if you ask me to go to them and I am available. You realize that I can't promise to be anywhere but I can promise to try and be there as much as I can. Conferences I will leave up to you and your mother for now. Am I ready for a girlfriend that comes as a ready-made family with two children and a mother? I don't know what the future holds but who does in the beginning; I am ready to try, I am ready for you. I am far from perfect but I am someone who if I am with someone I am with them. That night changed everything for me; how I looked and thought about you. When it came to having to work with you I resisted because I didn't like putting a mother of two children in danger but you continued to find danger without my help; so I stopped feeling so bad on that one and just came to realize that you weren't half bad at this spy game; just different. Then on Thanksgiving when you called and said you were coming over I really had no idea what you wanted. I thought it might have to do with what I had said, but you could have called and talked to me over the phone about that; I'm really glad you didn't. Amanda the whole thing is we are like anyone else in this dating game. No one really knows what or how things are going to work out when you enter into a dating situation. All I know is that I want you with me and I don't want you with Dean or anyone else for that matter. Your kids are great and as long as your mother stops trying to get me to eat breakfast when I come to pick you up she and I will get along just fine. Your family is a big part of who you are and if I want you; which I do then I want them too. I can't guarantee that this thing between us will not go away or fade but I know that I want to try and make sure it doesn't. I need you in my life and I don't need anything. Amanda will you please say something?"

"I want you in my life, you and only you. I want to be the only woman in your life that isn't work related. I am a very jealous person at times; I will not like a lot of your assignments when you have to get close to a female operative. I am terrified of letting my guard down but you seem to be the only person I have fully let my guard down with; not even Dean had seen the real me and you have. I can't change the fact that I lost our baby and so we have to be more careful in the future with that so it doesn't happen again. Don't lie to my boys. Don't promise to be somewhere and then not be. Mother is always going to try and feed you breakfast if you are lurking about in the mornings; that will never change. One more thing…"

Smiling he said, "Yeah, what is that?" never once expecting the five words that were about to come from her mouth.

"I love you, Lee Stetson." She smiled at the look on his face before she pulled him in close for another lasting kiss.

THE END


End file.
